They come into your life at the right time and teach you something that makes you a better person.
Perhaps they came into your life when you were at your lowest point and you just needed someone to be there and give you the right support.
They are those who say exactly the words you need to hear at that moment to heal and grow.
I call them the Little Angels that come into your life.
Then there are other friendships that are lifetime friendships.
They’re the ones who truly matter.
When I look at those who are my lifetime friends I would probably say I can count them on one hand.
It’s a small, beautiful group of true friends.
How to move on from toxic friendships?
You can tell a lot about a person by looking at the five people that surround them.
Look at your friends and ask yourself:
Are enhancing my life?
Are they bringing out the best in you?
And are you bringing out the best in them?
Do you care equally care about each other and respect each other’s needs and boundaries?
And listen to your gut instincts.
Is this person this so-called friend actually a little bit toxic?
Are you going the extra mile to people-please them?
Trying to keep that one-sided friendship up even though you’re not getting anything back in return because you feel some misguided guided loyalty from the past?
Perhaps it’s a friendship from school days or something like that and you’ve changed, you’ve grown up.
You’ve evolved but they haven’t.
Maybe you should allow that friendship to run its natural course and let it go?
Trust your gut.
Look at those friends and work out which are the lifetime friends who align with who you truly are.
The ones who love you for who you are.
The friendships that are two-way.
A lot of people have written to me to say how they’ve lost friends since leaving an abusive relationship.
When you leave a toxic relationship, quite often you do lose friends.
This is because they are brainwashed by that narcissistic person, as you once were.
And that abuser is now waging a smear campaign against you, convincing others that they’re the victim of your abuse, not the other way round.
There are times like that when you do lose a lot of friends.
Usually when you’re down.
You will lose friends but they’re not true friends.
Let them go.
Find the strength too, to put boundaries in place with your friendships, and say no when you need to.
Don’t say ‘yes I will go to that event’ you don’t really want to go to because you feel they’ll hate you for it if you say no.
It’s not about them, it’s about you.
How do you feel about it? Is this right for your wellbeing at the moment?
A true friend will respect if you don’t wish to come along and look forward to seeing you next time.
Friendships are the same as relationships.
Sometimes they run their natural course and it’s okay to break up with friends sometimes.
So, look at your friends.
Do they enhance your life or not?
Are they lifting you up?
Do they make you laugh?
Is it a two-way friendship?
If not, perhaps try testing the friendship a little by putting some boundaries in place.
Tell them, without emotion:
I’m sorry I’m going to pass this time, but I hope you have a great time.
See how they react.
If that person reacts in a hostile manner or guilt-trips you then make a judgment call on that.
For any friendship you decide is not good for your wellbeing or toxic it’s okay to tell them:
I’m sorry. This friendship is not right for me anymore.
I wish you all the luck. Have a great life!