Letter From a Narcissist’s “True Self”

Letter From a Narcissist’s “True Self”

Here is a hypothetical letter was written from the point of view of a narcissist’s True (lost) Self.

The advice given here by the True Self is almost the polar opposite of whatever their False Self would tell you. That’s because their False Self is a lie and isn’t who they really are, even though they may have been wearing this mask for so long they can never access their True Self without enormous difficulty or even at all.

Always follow the advice of their True Self, no matter how much they protest and rage unless you want further abuse. It’s actually the best thing for them if they ever decide to look in the mirror past the lies they show the world (and may have come to believe is the truth)–and of course, it’s best for you.

Letter from a Narcissist’s True Self:

Dear Victim,

I have lied to you about nearly everything. I am not sorry for this behavior because I cannot empathize with you. I chose narcissism so early in my life that I never had the chance to develop a conscience or the capacity to feel remorse or empathy for the way I hurt you. Still. I know it’s wrong on an intellectual level. I just cannot feel your pain. Sometimes I wish I could, but I can’t.

I became a narcissist because as a child I felt too vulnerable. I was sensitive. I felt too much and most of it was painful. I was made to feel like I was nothing, a nobody. I was hurt, betrayed, abused, just like you. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t loved, or why I was treated with contempt and like I didn’t matter. I was also was never given a good example of how to become a good person. I never had anyone to model in a positive way.

Life was so painful for me I had to do something about it. Something drastic. I had to become strong and never show weakness again because my weakness was killing me. I was trained that being a sensitive person who feels compassion and remorse, a person who can love others, is a weak person. I know that isn’t really the case, but it was how I was trained. I was so young that I couldn’t see how wrong that might have been.

I reached a point where I had to make a choice. In order to survive, I had to sacrifice my humanity. I didn’t want to do it, but I felt like I had to. I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. I had to sell my soul.

In order to sell my soul, I had to shut you and everyone else out. I couldn’t allow myself to feel too much. I couldn’t allow myself to be sensitive anymore, and that meant I could no longer allow myself to love anyone, feel anyone else’s pain or joy, or feel sorry if I did something wrong.

I had to don this mask that I wear, which is a lie. In order to keep that lie intact, I had to treat others badly. I had to diminish you to prop my false self up. I had to hate you in order to “love” the mask that I show the world, because if I didn’t continually prop myself up by making you feel bad, my mask of lies might fall off and expose the real me, a powerless and vulnerable child which I had to protect at all costs, even if it meant destroying everyone else around me. I am a bully but inside I know I am nothing. I act like I love myself but I really hate myself. I only love the mask I wear. I abuse you to protect that mask.

'Hear No Evil Speak No Evil' by Shadow Mario on Deviantart For a long time I thought I suffered from The Trifecta of Victimhood (largely brought on by my lifetime of living as prey in a jungle of predatory narcissism): Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) and Aspergers Syndrome. Try living with that combination. Never a dull moment, but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's still better than being a Narc. [my thoughts on that last remark after my dive down the rabbit hole: HAHAHAHAHA! LMAO! Why the laughter? Because for awhile, from about August 2015 through December I was absolutely convinced I was really a Covert Narcissist. It's very confusing, but thank God I'm not one. My therapist doesn't?t think I do, but Complex PTSD, BPD, and Avoidant PD together can look an awful lot like Covert Narcissism. I also suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (fall/winter type) and was recently given a new diagnosis of C-PTSD (replacing the BPD).


  1. Reading that letter I could not help but see my ex in every word. I had the unfortunate experience of loving a narcissist to a point where I was a broken woman. I was with him for 8years. We were even planning on getting married, everything booked and paid for, even had the dress. I loved him more than life itself, including myself. To say he abused me was an understatement, he beat me that many times that it terrifies me to even think about it and wonder how in the name of god have i survived, he broke my bones, ive had to have surgery to repair my cheekbone, stabbed me, knocked out my teeth (i now have implants), beat me beyong recognition, but then he’d love me and blame me, and the horrific thing was, I believed him, I really did think it was my fault, that i deserved the punishment he was inflicting upon me. Anyone who tried to warn me or help me was shunned, and I let him do that to my family and friends when even though deep down I knew they were right, I gave up everything and everyone for him, the love of my life, while deep down knowing he’d be the death of me. I had to finish with him 8 weeks before the wedding where he beat me out of my sleep, he was relentless with his punches and kicks, I ran, first chance I got I ran and haven’t went back.

  2. For the past two years i have realised that i am a narcissist. I never felt true love for any person, even myself, and it’s killing me inside slowly. In fact i know i am a covert (passive-agressive) narcissist. I am 28, and lost all hope. The best example for me realising was the way i treated my girfriend for an year and a half, and in the past my family members. With my friends i was always friendly but never had a deep connection, not with one person. I have read everything there is about narcissim and i am terrified that there is no easy way do deal with it, i also been diagnosed with GAD and depression. In the past 2 months i have gone in a downwards spiral, trying to cut my supply but my ego is always winning, i am afraid to go to therapy because, i know there is no easy way to fight this, because i have been before and i akways was evasive snd fif nit do my homework. Also i have read that is impossible for us to introspect our lives or our choices. Please any sugeaations would be appreciated. Thank yiu

    • Hi Bro… don’t worry. The first step to change is always to be aware of one self. Narcissist is still a human too like everyone else – and what make us human, is our feeling. Do whatever you think works the best for you. Meditation, religion, cultivation, etc? Try to be sincere and be yourself. Start with small charity and volunteer job if you could. Do donation…. little by little, hopefully you could be happy too.

      Happiness is after all, what we give out. If one need love, give out more love 🙂 Narcissist is the person who need love the most. By giving out love, (try with sincerity), you will feel love again. All the best and good luck bro!

    • Hay Alin, Listen closely to what I am saying…. Ok? The world is schizophrenic and a large percentage of the population is deluded with some kind of ideology or belief system and no one has the correct example of how to rase a child properly… It’s all trial and error, learn as you go… I have many features of a narcissistic personality disorder… It is a comping mechanism which I developed in order to survive my adverse childhood experiences, those coping mechanisms are now mal- adaptive and are an impetus for me to want to change… What a gift to have that realization with in… You can never force your psyche to change when you think you want it to change… This took years to develop and it will take time to change… A gradual process of serenader takes place as you adopt new ideas and become aware of your MO’s… Every one wares a mask! Got it? I also have features of a sociopath too, and I find it to be helpful in navigating particular situations that I encounter while navigating the world at large… Being 52 years of age now, I accept how my early experiences have shaped my personality and I do not apologize to anyone for this….

      Remember this, the DSM describes symptomatology of a disorder primarily… A lot of this stuff is not hard scientific evidence… it is not written in stone and you can change your brains wiring by changing your thoughts and interpretation about things that have happened….
      Peoples adverse reactions to this stuff show the truth of who they choose to be… It’s never about you, it’s about their own inability to understand that which they fear getting close to…. Peoples denial mechanism plays it self out in various ways, but it is all the same thing at it’s core….

      So now, are you willing to accept that you got fucked over as a kid and man up to this realization? You are not the only one who got fucked over, so really start to get over this and start to minimize the effects… Think of all the others who are feeling this stuff and who have been victimized… Does your pain take precedence over anybody else? Are your circumstances more paramount than those who suffer from psychic trauma of a similar type?

      I think Yee’s advice is a great suggestion for your healing process… This helped me get over myself when I did this… It really did….

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts Alin, I wish you the best….

  3. COMMENTThis is exactly my ex his way of acting.. been with him for 2 years and even after that I had to ignore him in every way.. as soon as I would respond to his crying and begging he would turn in that abusing state of mind. It’s been so hard to close this period in my life .. it took me more than a year to get rid of his stalking.. he took my shine .. but I almost have it back