Letter From a Narcissist’s “True Self”

 May 14, 2017

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Letter From a Narcissist’s “True Self”

 

But still, I hurt all the time. You can hurt me very easily. The only way I dare show my hurt is by projecting it back onto you through my abuse and through my rages. I’m a bully because I always hurt so much. But I can’t hurt FOR you, only for myself. I cannot afford to hurt for you. I’m too busy always licking my own wounds and trying to keep the lie going. I will hurt YOU if I must to keep the lie intact.

As I age, I may soften a little but most likely I won’t. I could even become worse. Don’t wait for me to change because I most likely never will. Once I chose this life, there was no going back. I chose darkness and once that’s done, there is no going back to the light. I sold my soul and there’s no way to buy it back but through the grace of God himself.

If you care about yourself (because I can never care about you), you must leave now. Don’t play my games. Ignore me and act like I don’t exist. Being treated like I don’t exist is the worst thing I can imagine, but if you care about your own survival it’s what you must do. I will destroy you if you don’t. Heed my warning.

There’s even a small–a very small–chance that you’re abandoning me and taking away the supply I get from you could make me take a look in the mirror for the first time at the lost child I left behind so long ago. If that happens, I will be in so much pain I may seek the help I need. Don’t count on it though. Even if I ever seek help, once I start feeling too much pain I will probably leave counseling. Feeling that pain is too terrifying. It’s easier to abuse my own mind (and yours) by keeping up the masks and lies.

Here is a song that describes me well.

Don’t wait for me to change. I won’t. Don’t play my games. Even if I rage, hold your ground. You’re stronger than I am. I will never let you know I know this. Don’t fall for my lies.

Better yet, leave now. Keep your soul intact. Don’t allow me to turn you into a shell of what you used to be or worse, a person like me, even though it’s what I want.

Sincerely,
Your Narcissist


Originally appeared on Luckyottershaven.com 

Printed with Permission

Letter From a Narcissist’s “True Self”

24 comments on “Letter From a Narcissist’s “True Self”

  1. TY for this heart felt letter. It is spot on.i I am the mom of a now adult N/S. I separated myself from her as I’d want to clear the air, she and I had not seen each other for 6 months. Her husband, 5 children and her, had moved from the house he owned across the street from me. They moved around 45 mins away closer to David’s work. The 5 children are my daughter Emily’s, from her 1st marriage. When I spoke to her on the phone to find out if she cared enough about me to talk about things, she said ” I’m at (child) ball game fuck off” .it’s been 2 years since I’ve seen her or my grandchildren. Her husband divorced her 1 a 1/2 years ago, he has the kids, by their choice and they use his last name and he’s working to adopt them, ages 10-18. He has 2 grown kids. Thank God he has them. But of course she has indoctrinated David and the children with her lthries about me and her adult brother. Theywon’t contact us even tho they all knew us extremely well obviously, even David who was my neighbor for 13 years. She is now engaged to someone, she is pregnant with someone baby. About 2-3 months ago she contacted for the first time in 2 years. It was in the msg part of my phone. It could be almost WORD FOR WORD your letter. Then 2 days ago she somehow robbed me and stole her way on to my public FB page. On her profile page she posted around 25 , 2-3 sentence, large lettered posts totally destroying me, her toxic mom with every filthy word for a woman one might think of, lying about things happened with her growing up about me like marijuana (I told them I did it occasionally, never around them, I’m an adult and I dont lie, not even to my children), course in her post i was a pot head for Gods sake, lies bout borrowing $ from EVERBODY. My boyfriend loaned me some one time. I raised 2 kids from ages 2 and 5 single mom. At any rate I’ve blocked her from my FB page so I won’t feel pain, get my feelers hurt, but most of all miss the child I did see occasionally who loved me even if it was fake. TY now I do know it is real. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for 3 months now and will continue to do so. She’s doing the same to he brother and of course her children, funny tho, she mentioned she’s trying very, very hard not to hurt David. She believes he’s the only man who ever truly loved her. He basically couldn’t live with her craziness and lack of ability to clean a house after messing it up, or kitchen for same reason, leaving it for kids or him while she did crafts. She also didn’t cook dinner. I was not THAT model. They would argue, naturally she was unable to change. She just went along with the divorce, understood everything and tried hard not to hurt him.
    THE END TY

  2. Thank you for this letter, I now know that I was partially correct about the reason why my husband became a narssacist. I know he has no pain tolerance at all (physically or emotionally) and being an empath myself, I felt his pain hence the reason why he choose to marry me coz I feel all his pain for him and additionally enduring the pain that he inflicts on me. I accepted him and fell in love with him coz I saw the child that he tried so hard to protect and locked away from the world. The reason why I chose him coz I wanted to help the little boy but then not knowing that I was being lured deeper and deeper to his cave willingly and by the time, I realize that the cave has caved in and i am stuck in here was too late. I am in
    perpectual darkness, all these years of thinking that I was getting I am getting him to improve but only to receive more relentless abuse. I see it in his eyes sometimes the slight glance that he know what he was, doing to me is wrong but just a blink, all I can see is his hateful and angry stares accompanied by waves of insults, name calling and belittling. I know i should leave but if I leave, there will just be another person that will take my place and to go through what I have been through with him have no words to describe it. I know what lies ahead and what battles that I will face but after reading this letter, somehow gave me hope and bravery to stay and keep fighting. I refuse to lose him over to dark, we are human beings we are not build for being in the dark. So as you said that only God’s good grace can save you, then I know i will be OK coz when my ally is God, I know I have a chance to bring back this kid to light.

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