Being in a relationship with a sociopath can be intense and the break-up is equally intense. When you’re leaving a sociopath, consider doing these things.
Leaving a sociopath is no ordinary break up.
It’s an escape from terror, abuse, and harm.
We’re not in denial. – We’re scared out of our minds.
The break up is up to us. When disengaging from what we thought was the most amazing relationship ever, but has turned into pain and something scary, the ending is often up to us. They may cling on, we get to end it.
Predators use and take, not because they’re allowed to, but because it’s what they are and what they do.
Once you’ve left that person you’re calling a narcissist and wondering what they are exactly…or maybe you’ve settled on calling them a sociopath, there’s one thing for sure… If you’re still trying to be friends with them or calling them up, or answering their messages, you’re putting yourself back into danger.
When the house-of-cards life tumbles and is exposed for what it was, you’ll want to get well away from them.
After this break-up, going for coffee, or to each other’s weddings five years down the road is not an option. Being friends with a person of pure narcissism is not a possibility.
Sociopaths (that’s what I call them) are not friends with anyone, and they sure as shootin’ don’t love anyone. This genuine malice in their hearts towards you will be very clear when you end it, it will be beyond painful. The terror and confusion you go through trying to leave them, whether it’s to end a fake–relationship of five months or fifty years, is nothing like an ordinary breakup.
Related: Are You Being Emotionally Abused By A Sociopath? Here’s What You Need To Know
You’ll Doubt Your Decision Of Breaking Up With A Sociopathic Narcissist
For one thing, you’ll second guess the break-up. You’ll have strong feelings of doubt. The doubt will come in waves. Your human, trusting, loving heart will try to rationalize the insanity of what happened. Don’t doubt how serious it is that you get out, even with that confusion spinning in your mind. – The crazy happened.
There will also be fear – possibly terror. There are steps to take to protect ourselves when leaving a sociopath. Leaving this nut job will be one of the hardest things you ever do. But you can do it! Understanding how they think is key to getting them out of your home or taking yourself out of what seems to be their home.
Related: Sociopathy 101: Understanding the Mind & Psyche Of A Sociopath
It’s Normal To Doubt and Feels Fear
Doubt and fear mix together in a hollow, heavy pit in our stomachs as we’re navigating this. Then, how to leave a sociopath? As normal, loving humans, we grope for something to make sense. It won’t make full sense until you begin think of it all – the whole “relationship”, the way that a one of these pathologically narcissistic people – the narcissist aka sociopath does.
- Realize how amazing you are.
- Decode the reality of their actions.
- Decide what winning is for you.
- Book your ticket to freedom.
We Believe the Sociopath Because We’re Normal, Not Stupid
One of the most frustrating and hellish aspects of it all is the amount of lying going on. Lying is normal for one of these types of people. For this kind of narcissistic person, “normal” involves constant lying.
They lie even about things they don’t need to lie about. They tell the truth on rare occasions. At those times we feel we’re on a gigantic Tilt-o-Whirl. Hold onto that one phrase uttered by the sociopath or narcissist that is so unusual we can’t comprehend it.
The one-liner that makes us reel, things like: “You only think you love me.” Or, “If you knew who I really was you wouldn’t love me.” – Those strange things they say, those things that make us wonder what they mean… are their truth and are who they really are.
By going no contact, we’ve collapsed, erased, eviscerated their world and their existence. Leaving a sociopath – when we take off – scares the you-know-what out of them. They’re afraid we’ll tell others what they’ve done or report them to authorities.
Related: Is Your Partner A Sociopath Or A Narcissist?
Break Through the Cloud of Brainwashing Venom
Underneath it all though, you’ll find you’re still there. Push the clouds aside and look for that snippet of what feels right. Base everything we do, and every decision we make while escaping on what’s best for our lives, our safety, and our well-being.
Lean towards that clarity, keep breathing, trust our guts and break away safely. There’s a balance between walking through fire to save ourselves and walking through fire for no greater purpose. Find your balance. There’s a balance.
When Leaving A Sociopath Relationship: 5 Break Up Musts
1. As soon as the door shuts, have our door locks rekeyed. Rekeying costs less than changing out the hardware doorknobs and all.
Find a locksmith online or in the good old Yellow Pages and get them over to our place as soon as the scammer is out. We’ll feel a whole lot better.
Do not let him or her back to pick anything up. Ever. Nothing. Never. Throw it out, put it on the street, whatever it is. If he or she walked out the door with any of our things – it’s best to let them go, especially if it’s only a CD or a sweater.
Related: 20 Characteristics of a Con Man Sociopath
If we discover major items missing – jewelry, audio equipment, money, maybe we make a police report: maybe. And then there’s possible immigration and marriage fraud or violence.
Carefully consider what, how, why, and when to report – or not. Reporting doesn’t always help and then some reports are mandatory for our protection – like notifying USCIS about green card marriage fraud.
2. Go no contact. Absolute zero contact.
They try to make contact – what we call hoovering, except in specific, and rare cases. Make it impossible for them to reach you. All contact with a sociopath aka narcissist must stop if you want off the ride in hell. As soon as you can muster the conviction to do so, do not reach out to them. There’s great risk in staying connected to the sociopath. Best to go zero contact. Eventually, you will.
There’s sometimes a timing consideration as to when you might do this, but eventually – it’s permanent. You must not respond if they get through to you, or if you do respond know that this is more of the same. You’re still “in” it.
In a divorce have your attorney handle all communications so that you aren’t receiving anything directly from the nut bag. If they do reach you, please do not respond. There are profound reasons for not replying directly to them.
Do what’s for your own well-being. Contacting them yourself can in some instances hurt your divorce case. You contacting them or responding to them can destroy your abuse claims in court. Setting and keeping “no contact” – also called “zero contact”, is not a casual suggestion, It saves your future.
When it ends the real crazy begins.
There are answers that resolve it all.
Related: How To Get Your Ex Back Using The No Contact Rule
New Numbers, New Devices
Change our phone numbers after leaving a sociopath. Maybe get a new phone. Block them in our phones, email, and all social media. Block everyone we know who knows them. – Use the “block” functions. Sociopaths usually try hard to stay connected. It’s so common it’s got a name: hoovering, like the vacuum cleaner brand because they’re attempting to suck us back i
Related: The Silent Treatment Vs. No Contact: What’s The Difference?
Change our Internet IP’s and Passwords
Delete all computers or devices from out internet user history. If At&T is your internet provider, log into your At&T account online – or create one. Look to see which laptops or devices such as, iPhones, iPods, Kindles, and all the rest logged online using your internet service.
Delete the IP addresses of the computers that aren’ yours. Then change your internet password. If the sociopath is tech-savvy change the IP address our internet is routed through. Call the internet provider and ask them to do this. – It’s all easier than it sounds.
3. Reconnect With People Who Love You
For the best support and to protect yourself from feeling more betrayed, stay clear of people who say: I told you so. I never liked him. This’s no time to be judged or questioned. This is a time to be listened to, a time to cry, and tell your story. Talk it out. Tell it over and over. Tell your story until we’re done. – Getting back to yourself again will become your mission.
Keep in mind, it’s best not to save things that remind us of him or her. Clear and cleanse. Consider moving, but be sure to let big decisions settle before jumping into them. Consider a new bed. Paint the walls, paint the furniture, rearrange it; anything we can refresh, do it.
4. Find support from people who know.
Not everyone will understand – or be able to handle what we’re going through. Only someone who’s been conned can understand; most of our friends will not understand as we break up with evil.
Recovery sessions with Jennifer Smith, after narc abuse and coercive control. Heal PTSD
There can be a lot that doesn’t help: we don’t need to be labeled with a condition, or told we have no boundaries, or that we’re in denial, or that we let this happen. – None of this applies in any way in these circumstances and is more damaging.
There’s More Than Hope
In recovery sessions with hundreds of people, just like you or I, around the globe, I’ve heard it all. None of us ensnared were ensnared because of anything to do with us specifically.
Our appeal is that we’re normal humans with hearts – no crime or Balme in that. We get to be what we are. Predators use and take, not because they’re allowed to, but because it’s what they are and what they do.
You Can Recover From the Truth
The truth is, there was no relationship. We were attacked. What we need is support in understanding and healing from the trauma; specifically the sustained trauma of being hijacked by a pathological user. This is not bad break-up counseling.
Related: Why You Will Break Up With Your Partner: Based on Your Zodiac Sign
Some general tips: As we can, do things that soothe us. Avoid romantic music and “our song”. Go for self-care and nurturing. Many of us gave up doing things we love doing during the con; start again as we’re able. Fall in love with ourselves.
Count on this: Narcissists and sociopaths don’t want us to go no contact. They hate it and get very mad about it. It makes us the polar opposite of what they need. We’re no longer accessible. Which means they can’t use us. By going no contact, we’ve collapsed, erased, eviscerated their world and their existence.
Leaving a sociopath scares the you-know-what out of them that we’ll tell others what they’ve done or report them to authorities. Users have a constant fear of being exposed – the irony is – jail time doesn’t faze them – it gives them free range to be violent, hunt, con, lie, cheat, steal, and three meals a day.
5. Please, date yourself; dating other people is not a recovery method.
Allow lots of time to recover fully and completely. Dating before a complete recovery, where we can spot a pathological user where ever they stand is courting danger. Remember con artists, users, and takers sense vulnerability. Right now we’re more vulnerable than a newborn baby.
Related: 24 Questions To Ask A Guy To Determine Compatibility In A Relationship
A Sociopath Tells Us How To Break Up with Them
These are the words of a self-proclaimed sociopath: a pathological predator
“You may think the sociopath respects your boundaries, but the sociopath will not be sympathetic to your needs. The sociopath does not have or respect boundaries. The sociopath has his needs and will fight to make sure they’re met.
You do not want to get into an all-out fight with a sociopath when the sociopath feels like his survival is threatened. With a sociopath, the best thing to do is to make the breakup seem like it was his or her choice; poison the well so the sociopath willingly leaves.
Become a helpless, emotionless, reactionless burden. Start being contrary, without being openly defiant. Pretend you’re tired, sick, depressed, say you forgot your keys; be incompetent, but make everything seem like an accident.
If the sociopath gets mad, say, “Sorry,” but don’t fight back. Say, “I don’t know what’s come over me.” Have long phone conversations with…people the sociopath hates. In general, let yourself go completely…be as intolerable to live with as possible without being confrontational.
After about three months (give or take), the sociopath will be out of your life. You should be in the clear after the sociopath has been gone 3 to 6 months. By that time the sociopath will not need you to satisfy any of his basic needs.” ~ Anonymous Sociopath
Use Truth To Inspire No Contact and to Walk Into a Full Recovery
Use this hideous information for your well-being. If you’re still living together and must be around them when they’re home, do your best to become absolutely unreadable. When they’re in a room with you remove all thoughts from your mind aside from innocuous things like what to make for dinner.
Leverage their needs, their vanity, self-obsession, and their cold heart to get them out. Know that they will sense you getting near the end, so be quite careful. Jeep all your ideas about what they are and what they’re doing to yourself. Sit as an observer and design your way out based on their habits.
Step By Step
You can consider bit by bit, as it feels right, removing things from their access and use that came along with you: money, cars, meal preparation, the internet, doing their laundry, errand running, credit cards.
Turn tighter on that the faucet of giving, shut it down. In a sense, go no contact while they’re still there. Do this as you make a full plan to get them out of your life. And number one tip: You can lie to them and they believe you. Even if they know you’re lying, they then act on the lie as if it were true.
Remember, to trust is human. What you are is normal. Know you’re gorgeous inside and out. There’s nothing you could or should have done differently. – What you do now changes everything.
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
When you leave a sociopath partner, make sure you do these things! Share your thoughts in the comments below about dealing with a sociopath!
Written By Jennifer Smith Originally Appeared On Truelovescam Printed With Permission
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