What Is Learned Helplessness And How It’s Connected To Trauma

 / 

, ,
learned helplessness connected to trauma

Have you ever felt very helpless in your life, and you have wanted to overcome that feeling, but somehow, something has stopped you? No matter how hard you have tried, you have never been able to get out of that helpless mindset?

We can feel hopeless and helpless when we experience chronic abuse or repeated obstacles. You might feel stuck in poverty or an unhappy relationship. You could or be dealing with your own or someone else’s addiction that feels powerless to change.

You might be experiencing a debilitating health condition or repeated school, relationship, or work failures. It’s easy to feel despair when you believe there’s no exit from constant pain and unhappiness.

Frequently, there are solutions and steps we can take to change our circumstances and alleviate pain, but with a hopeless outlook and “learned helplessness,” we don’t seek or accept help and can sink into depression

Related: 23 Signs You’ve A Victim Mentality (And How To Deal With It)

The Research

Learned helplessness was a term coined by Martin Seligman in the 60s to describe a mindset where you don’t try to get out of a negative situation because in the past you learned that you were helpless. In Seligman’s experiment, he rang a bell and then gave a dog a light shock to condition them to expect a shock after hearing the bell. He discovered that after a while when hearing the bell, the dogs reacted fearfully as though they’d been shocked, although they hadn’t been.

Human behavior is similar. For example, if you were lied to or betrayed, you become distrustful. You might imagine you’re being deceived in a new relationship when you’re not. Then you might react to your thoughts, become angry, and falsely accuse your new partner, or even break up. We think of this as projecting our past experiences onto other people and present situations.

Seligman went further and put these dogs in a crate that was divided so that the shock would only affect one side. The dogs could easily step over a low fence to the other side and avoid the shocks. However, the dogs did not! Instead, they gave up and lay down. Then he shocked different dogs in a divided crate who hadn’t previously been conditioned with the bell and shock. These dogs quickly jumped to the other side of the fence to avoid the shock.

This proved that the conditioned set of dogs had learned to be helpless. Another example of this is the practice of chaining young elephants to a post. As adults, they don’t run away when the chains are removed.

Negative Attributions

How we interpret events matters. People attribute causation to internal and external factors. Research reveals that people who consistently make global internal attributions to negative events, meaning that they blame themselves regardless of the situation develop learned helplessness. When they believe they’re always the problem, they lack the motivation to improve, to try again, or try new things.

This negative self-talk reflects internalized shame and also perpetuates it. They found that we perform better just by believing we have control over negative stimuli, even if we don’t exercise them.

Related: Emotional Flashbacks Due to Complex Trauma

Learned Helplessness and Abuse

Power imbalances typify abusive relationships. Abusers seek power and blame their behavior on other people. They undermine their partners’ self-esteem with emotional abuse, such as belittling, withholding, and covert manipulation. When confronted, they often escalate or threaten greater abuse or become violent. 

The undermining of self-esteem and relentless abuse create learned helplessness in victims, who over time accommodate the abuser with compliance and avoidance to minimize abuse and feel safe. When at first they might have become angry and protested, eventually they realize that this tactic is usually counterproductive. (See “Do’s and Don’t’s of Confronting Abuse.”)

They numb their feelings, become anxious and/or depressed, and may develop physical symptoms. As fear and shame grow, they don’t believe they can leave and turn into a shell of their former self. This pattern is exacerbated by intermittent reinforcement where accommodation becomes an addictive behavioral pattern.

Learned Helplessness in Childhood

Many codependents develop learned helplessness in childhood. As young children we’re actually dependent on our parents for survival, not only physically, but also emotionally. We quickly learn strategies to stay safe and minimize our parents’ displeasure.

When a parent is neglectful, emotionally absent, critical, controlling, or abusive, we not only feel insecure and develop feelings of inadequacy and shame, we feel powerless to be heard and make an impact. These parents communicate, “It’s my way or the highway;” “I don’t care,” or “You’re a burden.”

narcissistic mother or father, some other mentally ill parents or addicts ignore, shame, or control their children, sending the message that their feelings, needs, and wants are unimportant. Children’s anger, distress, or protest might also be shamed or punished. They feel powerless, internalize their shame and rage, and often turn to drugs or addictive behaviors.

Some children rebel, but that may lead to further repressive measures. They develop learned helplessness and negative internal attributions that follow them into adulthood. Sometimes, they experience independence in their late teens and early adulthood but might marry someone who repeats their painful family drama. Before long, their learned helplessness returns.

This can also happen when a more powerful sibling abuses or repeatedly teases a weaker one. I recall being tickled by my older brother until I was breathless and in tears. This established a belief that I was helpless and later did not fight back when I could.

Related: 25 Signs You Have a Wounded Inner Child and How to Heal

Other Consequences Of Learned Helplessness

Learned helplessness creates a self-reinforcing negative feedback loop that can damage our health, job satisfaction, and our relationships. It can lead to unhealthy habits where we neglect our nutrition and regular exercise. We might not seek appropriate medical and dental care, get help for addiction or manage our finances.

Learned helplessness may affect people stuck in poverty or who experience unremitting prejudice. Beliefs can be handed down through generations, creating a cycle of passivity and poverty.

Students who don’t perform well in school attribute failure to their own inadequacy. Their confidence and self-esteem suffer. They don’t believe they can do better and expect to fail. They stop trying and often drop out. Similarly learned helplessness and associated shame restrain us from excelling professionally and increasing our earning potential. It leads to depression and ill-health. In fact, research shows that a pessimistic outlook can negatively affect inflammation, our immune systems, and risk heart health.

Overcoming Learned Helplessness

The good news is that this condition is not a life sentence. Low self-esteem is learned and so is healthy self-esteem. Our brains are malleable, but it requires therapy to challenge negative internal attributions and cognitive distortionsChange requires therapy that addresses our thinking and beliefs.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is effective in overcoming shame and altering our brain and attitudes. A therapist also supports us in risk-taking new actions that modify our negative preconceptions. As our self-esteem and confidence grow, we become self-empowered—self-esteem in action. Pent-up energy is unleashed. We develop a positive feedback loop, where we expect positive outcomes and then experience them. When we don’t, we refrain from self-shaming. We consider make external attributions and change what we can.

You can begin progress on your own by overcoming perfectionism, which can feed shame and negative feedback loops) self-criticism, and self-blame, and shame, and reading Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You.

©Darlene Lancer 2021

Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an expert author on relationships and codependency. She’s counseled individuals and couples for 30 years and coaches internationally. Her books and other online booksellers and her website.

Check out Darlene Lancer’s website, What Is Codependency for more such informative and interesting articles.


Written By Darlene Lancer
Originally Appeared In What Is Codependency
learned helplessness connected to trauma pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

6 Benefits Of Walking: Why It’s One Of The Best Things You Can Do For Your Mental Health

Brilliant Benefits Of Walking For Your Mental Health

Walking is so underrated when it comes to ensuring mental well-being. There are so many powerful benefits of walking that can do wonders for our mental and emotional health. This article is going to talk about some of the best mental health benefits of walking.

Boost your mood, energy level, confidence, and more simply by getting your steps in.

Taking a brisk walk is a great way to clear your head, calm your mood, and keep you healthy. It may seem simple, but walking can have a powerful effect on your mental health, and the good news is that it’s free.



Up Next

Waking Up Feeling Anxious In The Morning? How To Deal With Morning Anxiety

Morning Anxiety: How To Deal With Anxiety After Waking Up

Do you experience anxiety after waking up in the morning? A terrible anxiety in the morning you just don’t know how to deal with it? Well, you’ve come to the right place. This article is going to talk about morning anxiety and how to deal with morning anxiety, so that your mornings feel more relaxed, calm and peaceful.

If you commonly wake up in the morning filled with anxiety, you are not alone. Many people wake up with fight-or-flight sensations and feel baffled as to how they can already feel anxious when their feet haven’t even touched the floor yet.

A variety of factors can play a part in morning anxiety: excess stress,



Up Next

Plant Parenthood 101: How Caring For Plants Can Nourish Your Mental Health 

Ways Plant Parenthood Can Boost Your Mental Health

Have you ever wondered why so many people are embracing plant parenthood? It seems like everywhere you turn, there’s someone proudly displaying their thriving indoor jungle or posting pictures of their leafy companions on social media. 

But this trend is more than just a passing fad; it’s a movement that promotes not only the well-being of plants but also the mental health of humans. 

Let us explore the concept of plant parenthood, why caring for plants is important for both plants and humans, and learn how do plants help mental health.

What is Plant Parenthood?

Plant parenthood is the act of nurturing and caring for houseplants as if they were our o



Up Next

7 Emotions You May Feel When You Decide To Divorce

When You Decide To Divorce: Unexpected Emotions You Feel

Making the decision to divorce is one of the hardest decisions to make. When you decide to divorce your spouse, you may feel a ton of emotions that you did not expect at all. This article is going to talk about those feelings and emotions so that if ever you make the decision to divorce, you know what to expect.

KEY POINTS

The decision to divorce is a personal and deeply emotional experience.

There is a common misperception that the person who decides to divorce doesn’t suffer from the decision.

The emotional journey is unique to each individual, and there are no right or wrong ways to feel.



Up Next

30+ Truths About Diet Culture, Eating Disorders, And The Process of Healing

Honest Truths About Diet Culture And Eating Disorders

Diet culture impacts so many people all over the world, and unfortunately, much of it’s impact is negative and harmful. If you are struggling with an eating disorder, then you’ve come to the right place. These truths about diet culture will help you understand it’s repercussions, and motivate you to live your life in a much healthier way.

If you are struggling with food or an eating disorder, these helpful points may offer you the nudge you need to change your relationship with food.

Related: Diving into Diet Culture Definition: 5 Startli



Up Next

Binge Eating Or Comfort Eating? 5 Ways For Comfort Eating To Stay Comfortable

Binge Eating Or Comfort Eating? Solutions To Curb Bingeing

Have you ever demolished an entire pint of ice cream after having a horrendously bad day? Was this binge eating or comfort eating? This article is going to discuss about both, talk about the differences between the two, and how you can stop yourself from binge eating often.

I have two distinct memories that involve eating. One horrified me, the other brought a sense of being understood.

Like most others living in a dorm, I had a small fridge in my little room in college. I was beginning to develop anorexia and was eating less and less, while receiving all kinds of accolades for becoming thin – which of course, egged on my disorder.



Up Next

13 Ways To Quiet A Worried Mind

Ways To Quiet A Worried Mind

In the hustle and bustle of modern life, it’s easy for our minds to be overloaded with worrisome thoughts. So, how to deal with anxious thoughts? Here are 13 effective ways to quiet a worried mind, offering you the serenity and clarity you need to navigate life’s challenges with ease.

Our minds are basically recorders that play (and replay) their soundtracks all day long, sometimes all night long too. Some people have recordings that tend to be more pleasant and present. Some people’s thinking patterns lean towards the optimistic or realistic side.

Others, not so much. Many people are plagued with worrisome thoughts that lead them to feel chronically stressed, anxious, dep