Killing with hope

I’m sitting on the top of a building where I can see half the city. It’s so beautiful, that it makes everything around me look beautiful. The moon is full and it’s light has been shining and making everything around me fill with stardust. But, for some reason, everything I see is black. There is nothing that can hold me from my body shaking, or rather trembling to the ground. I do not have the energy to stand. My knees have been fatiguing themselves for too long. My heart has been fighting for too long. My lungs have been breathing for too long. I just wish to stay. I just wish to embrace myself in a shell away from everything.

I just wish to sit and endure the pain in my chest and wait for it to cease existing. I wish to forget how you made yourself my home, and then left me alone to drown in abyss of tears. To make this heavy feeling in my chest bearable I am filling my lungs with tar and making my blood saturated with chemicals. Meanwhile, I’ll just sit here on the rooftop, waiting for you to find me on the same road where I got lost. Waiting for your hands to press against mine in a way that played with the cords of my brain, making me remember why losing you has crushed me to the core. I’ll just sit here, looking for you through the entire city with these small eyes, killing myself with hope. I’ll just sit here.

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