Don’t: Divide And Conquer
When my husband and I were married, we decided to divide and conquer. He was the one who went to work and made the money. I was the one who stayed home and was in charge of the family and the house. I wish we had never done that.
His focus was work – which made me angry and resentful. My focus was on our children and their lives – which made him angry and resentful. I always thought that once the kids were gone we would have an opportunity to work our way back to each other, to work together to be happy, but we never got the chance!
3. Do: Be Willing To Forgive
The importance of being able to forgive cannot be understated. The ability to forgive may be equal to the definition of love.
We are all of us humans. Human beings who laugh, cry, make mistakes, do big things, who are impulsive and damaged. As a result, people, humans, make mistakes.
If you hold onto a mistake that someone has made, it will only eat you up inside. If you hold onto a mistake that someone made thinking that they did it because they didn’t love you, it will only destroy your relationship.
Are you willing to forgive someone for making a human mistake? Would you want someone to forgive you if you did?
Don’t: Hold Grudges
My mother could hold a grudge like no one’s business. If my dad did one thing wrong, it was unforgivable.
I remember that he used to come home late every night and that he did he didn’t pay attention to her. She was hurt and got passive-aggressive which made him pay even less attention to her. My mother never got over that. As a result, their marriage ended in shambles and she held onto her anger at my father for the rest of her life. I believe that, ultimately, those grudges killed her.
Are you someone who holds on to grudges? Are those grudges getting you anywhere? Are they injuring your relationship? If so, try to let them go.
4. Do: Keep The Romance Going
I am in an incredibly healthy relationship and the reason is, I believe, that we are determined to never stop making sure the other feels loved.
We make an effort to tell each other how we feel about each other, to give each other physical attention, to give each other space, to give each other understanding, to forgive each other when we need to. We work on this every single day. It’s not always easy but it is totally worth it.
We’ve been together for four years and to this day we are like a young couple in love.
Don’t: Take Each Other For Granted.
The death of many relationships is caused when someone takes the other one for granted. When they assume that their person will always be there for them. When they assume that no matter what they say, or do, they will be forgiven. When they believe that someday they will be able to fix everything that is broken. When they aren’t willing to get divorced but aren’t willing to work on the marriage either.
My boyfriend and I rarely take each other for granted. If either one feels like we are being taken for granted, we speak up, immediately, so the other person knows how we are feeling
5. Do: Talk About Your Sex Life.
As marriages go on, sex lives can often be diminished. Whether it’s because of work, kids, loss of interest, or anxiety, married people’s sex lives can be a mess.