There are many possibilities, but all have to do is offer yourself as you are as a human being. There is a distinction between “making an offer” and “being an offer.”
Making an offer is when you tell someone you will take action on their behalf. You’ll wash the car, pay the bills, or call the doctor.
Being an offer has to do with the qualities you bring to the relationship. When you are experiencing jealousy, the offer that you are is usually more constricted, tight, and closed.
When you are experiencing jealousy, do you believe you are worthy? Do you always treat the other person and yourself with respect? Can you be present and listen deeply? Do you know how to show up in compassion or empathy? All these ways of being are diminished when you contract your bodies.
Being an offer isn’t about what you do; it is about how you are being.
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When you focus on being open, relaxed, and breathing deeply, the most attractive you can more easily surface. You can imagine yourself giving up on the idea of controlling the other person.
You will connect with the emotion of dignity, which allows for greater stability and allows you to take a stand for what you believe. You’ll be able to extend yourself in a way that’s inviting and dignified, not one that sacrifices your dignity and theirs.
Hopefully, you’ll realize that this partner, or any partner, could choose to leave at any moment. The reason they remain in a relationship with you is that they choose to. You don’t control what they do, but through the offer you’re making, you have tremendous influence.
You may be surprised by the outcomes. Perhaps it isn’t that your partner wants more time together, maybe they want time to reflect or read or exercise.
Maybe they don’t need you to fix anything, but simply listen and acknowledge their experience.
Do they know how to ask for what they need? Is there a way you can help them articulate it?
All of these conversations are made much more possible by breathing deeply, opening and calming the body (yours and theirs, if they are willing) and realizing just what jealousy means.
Reflect on the nature of your jealousy. Is it a story that comes from insecurity, or do you have evidence? Decide what path you’re going to take. Are you going to focus on them, or you?
Make a list of all the possible ways you could bring more attention to or focus more on the relationship. It could be as simple as erasing a game app from your phone or putting it on silent mode during meals.
Choose something to do differently. You are creating a practice that, if done regularly, like taking three long slow deep breaths, will create a new habit. This new habit will have an impact on the quality of your relationship.
These ideas will help you see jealousy in a new light. All emotions can be viewed similarly. You label them as positive and negative, but a more useful way to think about them is whether they are serving you in the situation you find yourself in, or if they’re a barrier to resolving it.
Written By Curtis Watkins & Dan Newby Originally Appeared On YourTango