It’s like getting lost on your own path, tripping over your own feet, unaware that a part of you changes as you get up after every fall.
One day you just look around, look inside and realize nothing is the same anymore. Somehow you’re able to see the difference, hiding under all the pretending and the lies you chose to believe so that you don’t have to be here at this point. The point where reality hits you that what you take for granted is what eventually kills you. Because what you take for granted is the very same thing that ends up changing, and the worst part is that it doesn’t stop there. It ends up changing you too.
It seems more like repeating your mistakes till you get so fed up with yourself, rather than learning from them after a time or two.
It seems more like living up to the expectations you list for yourself so people would love you, rather than truly believing in the beauty of who you are and living up to it regardless of people’s judgments.
It seems more like living in the shadow of your mistakes and others’, rather than forgiving them, and you, and letting it go.
It seems more like settling for a life that stops you in your tracks and takes you down with every bump along the way, rather than a life lived to the fullest, enjoying the good more than, or even as much as getting affected with the bad.
What’s the thing with today’s world?! This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. It shouldn’t be so hard to find someone to trust or to trust ourselves. It shouldn’t hurt to put our faith in people because all they do is let us down. It shouldn’t consume all of our strength not to let ourselves stop caring that it eventually hurts like hell to care.
And what’s the thing with people breaking bonds till the very last thread that ties them to others?! It shouldn’t be so hard not to betray, or fail, or lie to someone you love. It shouldn’t be so hard to keep your promises, to mean what you say and to take responsibility for your actions. And it shouldn’t be so easy to break someone’s heart.
She’s seen the worst of people who got the best of her and yet it was never enough.
She’s been through things that hurt her to the point that she’s starting to question everything she was once certain about, including herself. And no words can describe the amount of pain you have to deal with when you can’t accept to let this change what’s left unchanged in you, when you have to fight to be able to love, to trust, to believe, to hope, to try, to dream, and to care without being so scared of the consequences.
It’s scary growing up when you look at an old picture of you and you almost can’t recognize yourself, when you look at an old picture with your family and you miss how enjoyable it was to spend time with them, when you look at an old picture with your friends and your heart aches at how distant you’ve become.
It’s scary when you know some chapters in your story have ended so soon, and others, God knows when they will just reach an ending.
And all the memories that haunt you, they got you running wild in circles.
And in the middle of such chaos a question remains unchanged: Are you strong, as vulnerable as you are?
– Nada Mohamed
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