2. Connect by showing a desire to learn.
INTJs hate small talk but are highly stimulated by deep intellectual conversations. The purpose of all the intellect they build-up isn’t to be better than people, but it comes from a genuine love for growth and improvement.
Although the amount of knowledge and competence they have may be intimidating to some, they gladly share their knowledge if they sense from you the desire to learn and apply it.
INTJs often are misunderstood because they are often thinking 10 steps ahead so it’s hard for others to keep up. This is the reason why they are usually very lonely, but they do have a deep desire to feel understood.
What to do?
- Don’t beat around the bush. INTJ’s often get annoyed by unproductive superficial conversations.
- Don’t be afraid to ask deep questions to help get you to the point where you are synced up and on the same page. They appreciate when others make the effort to meet them at their level of competency.
3. Don’t be offended when they question you.
When dealing with an INTJ, they often try to ask a lot of questions that start with “why.”
This naturally will trigger you to become defensive so it’s important to remind yourself that the intention isn’t to attack you, but more to figure out what the best approach and solutions are.
This is why it’s important to always communicate the purpose behind what you request of INTJs.
What to do?
- When giving a task or asking for a favor, always provide the reasons why you are doing so.
- If they don’t have a clear understanding of why the particular task is important, they will often be very disengaged.
- When you clearly communicate the purpose behind what you are asking for and agree on why it important, INTJs will almost always produce results that exceed expectations.
4. Call them out on their bullsh*t.
INTJs can tend to place themselves in a mindset where they think highly of themselves.
Sometimes, it just takes giving an honest reminder to them that the way they say things to you is sometimes very condescending.
What to do?
- When INTJs fall over into becoming arrogant and judgmental, don’t be afraid to point it out to them. They value open and honest conversation.
- You can count on it that they will be spending a ton of time trying to understand what is going wrong and come up with a solution for improvement.
5. Activate the emotional half of their brain.
While INTJs are highly logical, they do feel emotions. And when they do, they feel them very deeply.
They often times may seem emotionless, but this doesn’t mean they are. This is because they are too busy spending time rationalizing things and are too caught up in their minds that they don’t feel the need to always be expressing their emotions.
What to do?
- Frame the lack of intimacy as a problem to the INTJ and you can rely on the fact that he or she will work hard to try and come up with a mutually beneficial solution.
- Do things that will help activate the emotional right brain in order to improve your connection with each other because INTJs are left-brain dominant and engaged in logical activities all the time.
- Implement ways to touch whether it’s a handshake, hug, or intimate physical behavior if it’s a partner.
- Try to check in occasionally about how they feel.
Related: 7 Struggles Every INTJ Kid Has Had
Creating your own best-case scenarios
Being in a relationship with an INTJ can be very rewarding, but can also prove to be emotionally taxing.
Once you come to the understanding of how INTJ’s are wired, you can learn how to best communicate and build the relationship together.
Whether it’s a family member, friend, or partner, figuring out how to work with each other in a way that’s more productive will empower both people in the relationship.
When you use the tips provided here, you will achieve so much more together than if you each approached things your own way.
And together, you’ll ultimately be creating your own best-case scenarios.
Eugene works with professionals who are frustrated because they’ve made it as far as they can go and start to feel stuck. His unique neuroscience-based method of coaching helps them figure out what their next steps can be whether it’s a way to grow within their company or even switch careers. Download his free guide to help find your unique calling here.
Feel free to let me know if you have any questions at all.
Written by Eugene K. Choi Originally appeared on Life Hack