Intimacy in Relationships – Osho

Everybody is afraid of intimacy in relationship. It is another thing whether you are aware of it or not. Intimacy means exposing yourself before a stranger. We are all strangers – nobody knows anybody. We are even strangers to ourselves, because we don’t know who we are.

Intimacy brings you close to a stranger. You have to drop all your defenses; only then, intimacy is possible. And the fear is that if you drop …all your defenses, all your masks, who knows what the stranger is going to do with you? We are all hiding a thousand and one things – not only from others but from ourselves – because we have been brought up by sick humanity with all kinds of repressions, inhibitions, taboos. And the fear is that with somebody who is a stranger – and it does not matter, you may have lived with the person for thirty years, forty years; the strangeness never disappears – it feels safer to keep a little defense, a little distance, because somebody can take advantage of your weaknesses, of your frailties, of your vulnerability.

The problem becomes more complicated because everybody wants intimacy. Everybody wants intimacy because otherwise you are alone in this universe – without a friend, without a lover, without anybody you can trust, without anybody to whom you can open all your wounds. And the wounds cannot heal unless they are open. The more you hide them, the more dangerous they become. They can become cancerous.

Intimacy is an essential need, on the one hand, so everybody longs for it. But he wants the other person to be intimate, so that the other person drops his defenses, becomes vulnerable, opens all his wounds, drops all his masks and false personality, stands naked as he is. And on the other hand, everybody is afraid of intimacy – with the other person you want to be intimate with, you are not dropping your defenses.

This is one of the conflicts between friends, between lovers: nobody wants to drop his defenses and nobody wants to come in utter nudity and sincerity, open – and both need intimacy.
Unless you drop all your repressions, inhibitions – which are the gifts of your religions, your cultures, your societies, your parents, your education – you will never be able to be intimate with someone.

And you will have to take the initiative.

The hidden splendour,

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Intimacy in Relationships- Osho

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  1. Life it self is a beautiful gift, we all are never promise for tomorrow simply enjoy your current situation with your balance mind, as much as deep thoughts will create more deeper questions. No one is stranger and all are unknown to everyone it's a human body has own limitations,I feel I have to walk and my walking should be on proper road I don't know how God lookalike even I have no idea about his address it's in my mind….same law applications for life,simply enjoy your health and current situation.

  2. it depends on to whom and when to bring down your defenses. A true sincere person who wants to be intimate with you knows how to let you bring down your guard or defenses…ofcourse both must feel comfortable with each other, must have that certain connection to click, & rapport…for me, it's about proper situation and timming inorder to have that intimacy with someone…no rush take time to know each other more.

  3. An iron curtain may be a blockade for a long time. We might not expressed our love and gratitude for years. We can not express ourselves whole heartedly to our dear ones. In India , due to the inhibition of being teased by family members, a husband hesitate to bring home rose for his wife. If at all were to bring flowers, many of us bring them stealthily, like bringing narcotic drugs !.Like dumb persson's dream, remains unexpressed and hidden, and lover's feeling does not reach to the other. It dies within them. The reason, of course being inhibition.
    We create inhibitions, walls or we don't like to to disclose to share our feelings due to many reasons. It is not because of our apprehension that intimacy unveil us and weak points are going to be open or nude ; rather it may be originated from inherent insecurity of our lives or because of our bad experience. Not only in the relationship of lovers or friends, or unknowns, this stiffness may come in family relationships also.
    A 14 years old girl was unable to score the top grades in annual exam. Her father reprimanded by saying " worthless girl" I invested so much of money and time for yoy, and this is your result !! Don't come in front of me with this type of poor marks. Now the father had errcted an iron curtain between them. Yar passed. The girl completed and joined college. Though the father loved his daughter but unable to express natural afflictions and normal chat due to invisible curtain.
    One day on his return from work, the father went straight his daughter and presented a book.
    One of my subordinate gave this book to me as a sign of affection towards me. He said "Gift the book in turn to someone you love most dearly in this world". You are the one that I love the deepest in this world, hence I am prsenting you.The words of father , who never hitherto looked at her face while conversing, moved the daughter greatly. The daughter broke in deep emotions and shed tears of joy.
    The Same thing happens with the unknown people whom we feel close and our minds want to become close but in reality we can not become really close because of that invisible curtain made up of our cultural upbringing, religious thought process and our insecurity.