If You’re Always the Target…

If You're Always the Target...

I know what it’s like to feel like the world is coming at you with full force. I know what it’s like to be the one in the family at home crying in the bedroom, which you probably know better as your”sanctuary”, because your “family” are outside of your door like a pack of hyenas ready to pounce on a defenseless meerkat. You seem to be wearing a sign stating, “I’m Weak, but Fuck It.”

I know how you feel. Male, female, LGBTQ, whatever, I feel your pain. But this is not why you’re here on earth. I can tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel and all of that cliche nonsense, but really, you’re not gonna believe me. So instead I will be honest with YOU. I do NOT see the light at the end of my tunnel, and it scares the ever loving shit out of me. I have been running down this tunnel for 11 long years, and unwittingly thought about ending the race. But today I write my first post to not only reach out to anyone who reads this as if it is an old diary entry of their own, but to tell myself that THERE IS NOT A RACE. 

There is no winning in life, and definitely no losing. Whether you believe in Heaven, Hell, Afterlife, or rotting into the ground, you didn’t win anything, but more importantly didn’t lose either. Society has been the one thing holding me back, and allowing it to get into my own personal thoughts is only my fault. 

I want to live. I want to travel, and love, spread kind to the ones who need it the most. Because I am one of those people who need it the most. I lost friends and barely speak to family anymore. I have not had a friend check on me in who knows how long. But, to my “friends”, I forgive you. I forgive you because you have a life worth living and you seem to have it more figured out than I, and even if that isn’t the case, I am so fucking happy for you. For all of you, I am happy you guys are moving on in life, because that’s what we’re all supposed to be doing. 

I hold no resentment to anyone who has left my world. I have nothing but nice things to say about you all. 

I will not allow this “self-made target of narcissistic assholes” version of myself be alive anymore. I will not let her see another day, so R.I.P. Target Girl, you’re done. 

 Welcome to the world, Blossoming Woman. Welcome. 

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