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Connection to self, to others and to this universal source. (Whatever you like to call it) I don’t know about you, but I’ve grown confused in my ambiguity to either of the tribes and disassociated from membership. I am the Ferris Bueller of religion, liked by all, hated by none but kinda on the outside of everyone.
As a man in love with all things spiritual in nature, I’m a consummate seeker, exploring beliefs, talking to others, especially ones that appear different, all in an effort to get a little closer, to get an edge and experience that spiritual nirvana that feels oh, so good!
In my seeking, I’ve been a spiritual slut. Ya, I said it and doubt I’m alone. Drunk on the spiritual high, seeking the next momentous experience to smoke deeply from the practice that will get me closer to this source. It’s been fun, and exhausting and I doubt God is all that impressed.
To quote the 17th-century activist, Robert Payne, “What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only that gives everything its value.” Do I value, truly cherish, my spiritual walk? Am I willing to hold true right now, at this moment, when nobody else is watching to see how reverently I worship, how beautifully I dance around the fire or how powerfully I bang the drum in the circle? Is this deep vibration frequency reverberating through my heart, fulfilling and living ON purpose giving life meaning?
Am I true!?
Those three words haunt me. Yet, I feel hope. I’ve carried around that ‘Ole Rugged Cross’ (hardcore Christians will understand that reference), impaled myself on the very steeple I’ve worked to erect and suffocated in the spiritual practices of the globe to find identity with others that truly want to worship and experience this bliss of knowing.
We all want to know we’re more than this feeble human body. Indoctrinated with a worldview of God that he (notice I gave it a masculine pronoun) is a wise man with a white beard and friendly eyes sitting kingly on a massive throne with all power to judge and send us little people to a burning place of fire. Or, if I “act right” and keep the biblical (Biblical..again, big B or little B?) laws given to the Israelite’s 3,000 years ago (that were intended to keep them alive) well then, certainly my behavior will earn me god’s pleasing and divine favor.
Do you sometimes wonder about what you are meant to do in this life? Read The 7 Soul Groups We All Belong To and the Purposes They Serve In Our Life
Surrendering it all, laying the practices down gently I’m left to ask the question we all avoid, what is your religion? Staring out the windows of life, we ponder, we ask questions and we return over and over again expecting different results from the many practices. Funny how our species seems to run in cycles and we’re now embracing things that the powerfully enlightened of our time have spoken (preached) about for hundreds of centuries. Jesus, Buddha, the sages, stoics, and mystics of old all forming the conclusions that our fast-paced society has to sexy-up and retro-fit into the mechanics of our mind.
The noise is dissipating.
Things are quieting down. A knowing-ness settles over some of us. The fiery conflicts and silly dramas surging from within are now only a smolder.
Upon looking at my brother, I see divinity instead of the ways of differentiation that create separateness and catapults us into relating to each other through frivolous competition.
In my sister, I see a vibration elegance that reflects the power of mother nature instead of a compliment to masculine pleasure and a partner in sexual gratification.
Whispered softly, knee to the ground, I’m finally surrendering and unburdening myself from this narcissistic need to know, which only created an unattractive arrogance furthering more of the separation hoped to alleviate. In the constant seeking, life led full circle back to where the journey began. How counter-intuitive.