Why It’s So Hard To Identify Maternal Sexual Abuse

Why It's So Hard To Identify Maternal Sexual Abuse

13. What about mothers cuddling in bed with their sons? At what age is this inappropriate?

HM: First, the mother has to be very mindful about how her son reacts. If the child is not comfortable, the mother should not do this. When the son reaches puberty and the hormones start going crazy and every thought or every touch gives the boy an erection, moms definitely want to stop cuddling or sleeping with their son.

The son correlates being with mom and having mom touch him with erections and sexual arousal. This just messes him up.

14. I’ve seen a forum in which hundreds of men talk about how they loved having sex with their mother, they loved what she did, and they continued it into their adulthood. What do you think?

HM: I have gotten a lot of emails from guys who were very upset about my book, because they said that what they had with their mother was love and it was a wonderful relationship and how dare I call it anything bad. I think it’s part of the denial. I think a lot of guys who have been in these situations have to explain it to themselves in some way so they can live with themselves.

Their mother loved them in ways that cannot be described. They had this special relationship that felt wonderful on a physical level, but emotionally I think it messed them up.

Read Abuse Doesn’t Always Leave Bruises And Broken Bones: Why The Inner Damage Is Worse

15. I think we have to make room for the fact that there are some people who do enjoy the mother-and-son sexual relationship and think it is special.

HM: My philosophy is that if somebody does not see what happened to them as abuse, I do not try to convince them of that. If their defense mechanism is working for them and it’s doing good, I’m not going to mess it up for them.

But if they come to me because they have problems because of that, then we have to accept what happened in order to move on. It can be so hard for a man to admit his mother sexually abused him. It may take years in therapy for him to even say anything about it unless he is coming in for that reason. It is deeply embedded and is very painful when it surfaces.

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Written By Joe Kort
Originally Appeared In Psychology Today
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