In this case, it may be easier to diplomatically insert distance into the relationship. A person who is incapable of resolving conflict productively may have deeper issues that prevent them from being secure enough to own a mistake in a relationship. Without the ability to resolve conflict productively, resentment and distrust proliferate.
Hold on to the individuals who can honor another person’s feelings, demonstrate accountability, and attempt to repair wrongdoing. It is tough for a person to hear that they did something to hurt a loved one. However, it is a critical moment in a relationship and maybe a litmus test of a person’s emotional health.
In addition, a person who can own their mistakes in a relationship is often easy to spend time with. Minor ruptures are easily repaired and both people move forward with a greater understanding of each other. Closeness, trust, and respect are maintained.
A person may be conflict-avoidant because of past experiences with an individual who wasn’t secure enough to handle confrontation productively. The nightmarish fights which followed a minor and diplomatic confrontation or question may have been painful and dramatic.
It is also probable that a person may have been raised by a parent who had trouble with confrontation, accountability, and self-awareness. Thus, during childhood, the person learned to stifle feelings and discontent within the parent-child relationship because verbalizing feelings that differed from the parent made life worse for the child.
Often the attachment relationship with a parent dictates how safe the person feels disclosing discontent in a current relationship. This may be an important aspect of the person’s working model of attachment. An awareness of the tendency to suppress feelings in order to preserve a relationship may eventually help a person find his or her voice.
Feeling safe enough to identify a negative feeling state in a relationship is important. Having a partner or friend who is secure enough to honor the feeling and own their part in the conflict makes this possible. Insight into how a parent dealt with a person’s different feelings within the parent-child dyad is critical information that may inform a person about his or her avoidance of conflict.
Finally, an awareness that some people may not handle the confrontation productively often leads to insight about that person’s emotional intelligence, and thus the need to resurrect a healthy boundary.
Written By Erin Leonard Originally Appeared In Psychology Today
When you are trying to stand up for yourself, keep in mind that you are not doing anything wrong; you are simply taking back your power and letting the other person know that what they are doing is not right. The need to stand up for yourself is equally important as the other person’s need to express their opinions. If they are right, it’s okay, but if they are not, it’s better to call them out on it.
If you want to know more about how you can stand up for yourself, then check this video out below: