They essentially know how to make you fall in love with their version of you. It’s why it feels so right. In fact, they have probably targeted you like a tiger stalking its prey. Narcissists target people they detect they can manipulate because the ultimate game of a narcissist is to have total control over you. So they feel superior and better about themselves.
You are a possession to them and they believe they are entitled to control you.
“Arguing with a narcissist is like getting arrested. Everything you saw can and will be used against you” – Unknown
They test your boundaries and how much they can manipulate you from the minute you meet them, using manipulative tactics like love bombing and mirroring. They’ll test the waters to see whether you’ll tolerate a bit of coercive control. For example, they’ll tell you they don’t like what you’re wearing and see if you change what you’re wearing for them. Or that they don’t like you doing X or Y to see if you change your behavior when they demand it.
They’ll test and see if you are someone they can manipulate. If your boundaries just keep getting pushed down, they know you’re a safe bet. You can be a good narcissistic supply for them. Whether this is for the status you give them, wealth, a place to live, sex, or whatever it is they need.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
They keep this mask and charm offensive up for as long as they feel they need to. For example, if you are still questioning their behavior and unsure. But once they know they have reeled you in and entangled you enough the mask will slip. The relationship will have moved very fast. They may have moved into your place because let’s face it, it’s usually them moving into yours.
Early on they’ll start to tell you they’ve hit hard times.
Can I borrow some money?
Only for now, of course, they’ll pay you back.
Can I move into your apartment?
Can I marry you?
You don’t love me if you don’t trust me enough to have a joint bank account!
The relationship accelerates rapidly. That is all part of the entanglement from which it becomes harder for you to leave them. Once they’ve got total control and they feel safe and secure the mask comes off.
Remember, they don’t have Emotional Empathy. They have to act as though they have these feelings. So, everything for them is a game. It’s acting. It’s a mask. You can’t keep this mask up for very long. It’s difficult. Especially as they usually have one mask for you and a different one for others. They can’t remember the stories and lies they’ve told either.
Soon enough, you’ll see the real them. The fantasy man or woman will have largely disappeared, except for when they have to bring them out again to stop you from leaving.
Narcissists can’t control their impulses. They will go into a narcissistic rage if they feel like they’re losing power over you. In their mind, you and any children you both have are their possessions. They have the right to control you in any way they want. If you don’t behave, say you question their behavior, and try to set boundaries in place – they will go into a narcissistic rage.
If you say: I’m going to leave you.
The fear they will feel – that they are losing control – will make them extremely angry. They can’t control their basic impulses as we can. There will be two responses: they’ll either discard you. If they think they are absolutely going to lose control over you, they will dump you before you leave them. Or, they’ll abuse you.
Use more of those narcissist manipulative tactics to dominate you.