4. Everything is not always ok
Telling kids things as “Everything is ok,” “Nothing is wrong,” “Mommy is crying because she’s being silly” is not a good approach to help them handle life’s adversities. Don’t try to project an unrealistically impeccable self-image—it will only create an unhealthy drive in children to be flawless as their parents.
Rather, the better way to instill lasting confidence is for “parents permit the child to observe their struggles, their difficulties, and their conflicts because struggling is a primary coping response.”
5. The affair with academics
Finally, a major shaper of children’s’ self-esteem is academic achievement. And although research tells us that the two concepts are connected, the link is rather complex.
That is, high self-esteem doesn’t necessarily lead to stellar performance.
A famous study by the Professor of Psychology Roy Baumeister from Florida State University in the U.S., has uncovered that attempts to increase self-worth don’t lead to better grades and sometimes can even be counterproductive. In his words: “It’s not expected, for example, that a global sense of being worthy, competent and popular, will predict performance of a trigonometry quiz.”
Simply put, confidence is rather the consequence, not the cause of good grades.
Therefore, don’t blame your kid’s less-than-genius performance at school to their lack of self-value. It’s simply not true.
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In the end, as parents, we absolutely need to do everything we can to help our children become self-sufficient, resilient individuals, who know their sense of worth and won’t give up in the face of challenges.
It’s a big goal, for which there is no single best solution.
But if you let kids learn independence, guide them through their struggles and let them learn their own lessons, they may just as well grow up to become the next Bill Gates.
One thing is for sure, though.
“Without hard work, nothing grows, but weeds,” as the saying goes.
What’s your experience raising confident children? Let us know in comments.
Written by: Evelyn Marinoff
Originally appeared on: Evelyn Marinoff
Republished with permission.