Staying in touch with our valence and keeping our expectations real
A wrong habit is one of our biggest mistakes. Namely, we expect love from people, we expect people to say what we want to hear, to carry out acts that prove love. All this is to be able to feel. Feel what? We are so addicted to bad feelings, we do not even know what exactly it is that we want to feel. What is the feeling that we acquire? We keep asking the outer world to give us a feeling of happiness, and meanwhile we feed our pain body with the feeling of a lack of love.
As I mentioned earlier, everything has duality, even one thing may be dual. In fact, it is anyway, just as a train track. It runs the same train but the railways never meet. Seems similar but, sometimes, one side cuts corners. We can identify ourselves with the railway, expecting that two parallel train tracks, one day, will meet, as what we call reality is shown to us. We can even see it being the truth with our eyes, or I can identify them as a path, a leading way to my goals. In this case, if one side cuts corners and the other railway follows to change direction, I will not be afraid; I know that is what happens to arrive at the desired destination. An expectation is like this, which itself is a tool. How I use it is important.
I can expect to have a good job, a dream car, a wonderful partner, good relationships, health, wealth, and so on. It is wonderful for us all to achieve it. Many people expect but are impatient. They keep asking where the desired object is or do not realize or recognize it when they get it. For example, a partner in our lives. They are there, and one day we’ll notice them packing their belongings, and we ask ourselves: Why? Or we fall in love, thinking it will be eternal but, after a while, when we hear or see something wrong with the partner, we ask: “Where is the person I met a long time ago?”
So, if we expect, we have to realize its significance when we get it. We have to be conscious of why we wanted it before we got it, and this applies to everything. Or more precisely, not to forget why it is in our lives. Because, if we are not conscious, when we get it, we will not know what to do with it. It can even ruin us. Because, genuinely, we did not even know why it should take a place in our life and, going forward, “What they are looking for in our lives?” as a result of incoherent and contradictory thoughts. It has a major importance and it is highly significant to understand what we want for what we want. If it is partial, then it will only serve to teach us what to want, and that road can be very painful if we do not learn after several tries, trying to make us conscious to become definite. Our feelings help us discover the definite purpose and goal. But let’s not forget that we are the ones who control our feelings, the feelings do not control us. We cannot say my feelings changed because of others, because, if your feelings changed because of someone else, you did not know what you wanted in the first place. It wasn’t definite. We cannot use people as tools for our happiness. For instance, we can become addicted to it and, in the absence thereof, there will be nothing to hold on to.Just imagine how tragic it is to expect love from others instead of ourselves being the love. Our healthy self-confidence is nothing more that the love we possess inside. Due to the lack of that, we convulsively cling and get attached to it.
Due to our embedded habits, many people can trap others into bondage, to enslave others and put them in cages; even fussing over the fact that they are not loved, as you do not love me enough! Through this psychological influencing, others are forced to prove their love by acts. Regardless of how much they do so, the feeling does not go away and the lack stays because it does not recognize the love. There are also people who, in defense, say, “Leave me, if you don’t like who I am.” It could be very hurtful and self-confidence destroying if we expect it from others, unless we are not love. However, only those who are enslaved expect love from others; they will only be slaves who expect love from others. In the pain of offence, the other person is reflected in us and our desire-body is transformed into our pain-body within seconds. In the nakedness of pain, it cannot serve us with the love within us as a mirror for the outer world. Thus, this love would be inside us in vain. It cannot serve us our love as it is aimed to be given, and as we give it away, we want other love instead of the given one. So, if I expect love from others, I will depend on them. If I depend on them, I will enslave myself and maybe others will use my dependency to manipulate me. It is equal to being enslaved. The one who is responsible for such circumstances, is me. Give love as it is aimed to be given, but do not expect it in return, because if you do, and your focus is on the other. It can cause you very unpleasant circumstances. The root of jealousy, envy and anger. Since the love is a waited achievement, the bad circumstances just want to reveal, through pain, where to look for it. They point to the place where we can find it; where it hurts the most. People suffer because no feedback was received in response to their love, so it voluntarily overtakes what comes to them. The chosen has been made, but it is not necessary to stick to a wrongful decision. But, if you do so, drop the perseverance, then you will not have to suffer and rely on your love and faith within without expecting anything. So, the creation may create.If, say, we have a wonderful morning, a sunny summer morning with a soft breeze, I must have lived such joyful mornings. This sunny morning was already inside me, and I just realized it. Love is similar to that; I cannot realize it if I do not have it; I will not see the pretty nice morning either. I cannot love if I am not love, I cannot receive love if it is not within me because, if it is not there, I cannot recognize it. If it is there and I am, then I can receive, accept, hold, understand or let it go, even in hard circumstances. If love is within me, I am the love itself. I will consider a gloomy, rainy autumn day as wonderful. This is love! So, don’t give your love, give love from your endless love, and you will never have to expect love.
A path to divine understanding
If I expect from a spiritual perspective, I am open to everything for the purpose of growing spiritually, to experience more beauty. This kind of expectation not only favors spiritual development, but my material and substantial needs are also supported. You live your feelings bravely, you live pain, so as love, you can take responsibility, bravely face yourself, and easily forgive yourself and others. You are not afraid of vulnerability, since you know that life is complete when feelings freely flow in our souls. Then, if someone steps out of your life, you know why it hurts. If it hurts, you know we can change nobody. But, we cannot forcibly bring love into someone’s soul and moreover, you know that everybody has their own way towards development, and they can freely decide about it. You can embrace your mistakes, you can forgive your faults and you can see the other person through the same clear sight filter.