3.) The Stability Stage.
During this stage, a greater awareness of each other’s behaviors, differences, and annoyances emerge. Both have worked through establishing roles and independence and have moved away from the power struggles that once monopolized the relationship. They recognize that disagreements are just that – disagreements. They do not necessarily turn into arguments but if they do, they are manageable.
A relationship rhythm has developed, and each person experiences a greater feeling of relaxation. Trust and safety allowing each person to move away from the relationship in healthy ways without the relationship feeling threatened evolves. However, despite the positivity in the relationship, boredom lurks around the corner. This can lead to apathy or infidelity. Some people start to move away from rather than towards their partner. They might begin to ‘lean out’ of the relationship. Couples start to take one another for granted. There is less attention, intention, and investment in the relationship. Don’t allow this to happen. Talk about it. Recognize that this is part of the process and realize that boredom is part of the process but through deeper conversations, can be overcome.
4.) The Commitment Stage.
Clear choices about yourself and your partner are made. You have recognized both your and your partner’s shortcomings and accepted them. This is not a perfect science, but you are on a healthy path. There is an ebb and flow to the process. You trust more and feel safer. You remain curious. You can be yourself and do things that are important to you, but also stay connected with your partner and do things together. You have been able to manage the bad times and embrace the good times. Despite the bad, you can rise above and still enjoy the other’s company. This is a good place to be. You don’t need the person; rather, you choose to be with this person. There is a balance between power, freedom, love, and belonging.
Some questions people ask include: Can you see yourself with this person long term? Do you have shared interests and goals? Does this person add, not take away, from your life? Is this person the total package? Do you work as a team?
These questions are reminders that relationships always need continued work, attention, and commitment.
Key points in love to embrace:
• Communication is key. How will you communicate about your differences? How will they be managed? Can you talk about your differences in a way that encourages healthy communication strategies and understanding? In a way that honors both your similarities and differences? Do you feel safe sharing your feelings?
• Learning to recognize and embrace the stages of love can help both individuals and couples better navigate the expected twists and turns of a relationship.
• Understand and prepare for the challenges that relationships bring. This helps the couple identify the triggers and be proactive rather than reactive. Learn how to work through them. This helps create the bridge that connects, not the bridge that divides. Boredom can set in but you can still embrace it. Remain curious about the other person. Have fun.
• Navigating through the stages of love is not a linear process. Recognize that life is a series of transitions that can offset the calm and put the couple back in the power struggle stage. That’s ok.
• If you feel the relationship is taking a negative direction, before it’s too late, consult with a professional. Having a third party to help you navigate your relationship challenges could be the key to saving your relationship! There is much to be said about an impartial third party. They can and often do help.
Become a Contributor at The Minds Journal
Kristin M. Davin, Psy.D.
Solution Focused Psychologist & Coach
Originally appeared on KristinDavin.com