4. Reflect and decide
This is the phase where you need to make a decision. However, in order to do that, you will have to introspect and focus on the past. Calm your mind and think about the beginning of the relationship.
What made you fall in love with your partner?
What made them attracted to you?
Why were they your best friend at one time?
What made you get so close to each other?
Where do you think things started going wrong?
Were they like this all along?
Think about all the good memories and even the bad times. Reflecting on your relationship will enable you to take a firm conclusive decision. If the negatives outweigh the positives, if the abuse outweighs the happiness, then it’s time to leave.
5. Stop rationalizing abuse
When reflecting on your relationship, your mind and heart may focus more on the good times and ignore the bad memories. This is because we subconsciously tend to rationalize the bad behavior of our partners in abusive relationships. You will find various ways to excuse their actions and force yourself to believe that your partner still loves you and cares about you. You may tell yourself that he or she may abuse you verbally and emotionally but they never hit you.
Maybe you always manage to annoy them and it’s mainly your fault. Not theirs. But deep down you know that all these are the lies that you tell yourself to keep the relationship going a little bit longer.
Stop taking the blame for their toxicity. Their bad behavior is not your fault. No matter what you do, you are never at fault. If you are being abused, stop taking the blame and start looking at it the way it is.
“Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons. But they just know that things will get worse if they stay.” – unknown
6. Find strength inside you
Once you’ve taken the decision to leave, you need to find the emotional strength and stability to follow through with your decision. Your partner will try their best to persuade, convince, manipulate and con you into staying with them. They will make tempting promises that they will never keep.
Being emotionally stable will give you the strength to avoid their traps and get out of this toxic relationship. Emotional strength is your weapon against their manipulation and lies.
7. Don’t force yourself
Once you’ve reached this stage of the process, make sure you don’t push yourself to get out of that door. Take the time you need to prepare yourself and move out only when you are ready to do it. It may take a few days or even a few months. The time frame does not matter as long as you’re sure about what you want to do with your life and yourself. However, make sure that you don’t stay longer than you need to.
8. Plan and create the future you want
Make a detailed plan about your future life before leaving. Visualize it and plan exactly how you want your life to be from now on.
How do you want to live as an empowered, independent individual?
What do you want to achieve in life?
What goals do you have?
What dreams do you want to pursue?
What kind of friendships do you want to build from now on?
What type of relationship do you want next time?
Once you know what your future looks like, you won’t regret your decision of leaving them once you’ve walked out of the door. Use your time wisely and plan ahead for your journey into the future alone. Now is the time for you to create the future you want.