I have personally sabotaged relationships by freaking out and trying desperately to bring a man closer when all I really should have done was given him space to figure out what he wanted. I understand the tendency to worry when it feels like he is pulling away. However, how you handle his need for space is absolutely crucial.
Guys don’t usually even consciously realize they need space until you either complain that he’s distant or he feels completely suffocated. If you push him for more closeness, it will make him feel like his natural impulses are wrong and you will accidentally drive him away.
That’s why drawing attention to the fact that he’s become a little bit harder to connect with lately will only hurt you. He’ll start thinking you are the problem!
This is how men get spooked and pull away for good!
I don’t mean you should walk on eggshells with him either. While he has his alone time, just go about your own business as usual. My favorite strategy for when a man pulls away is to pause, distract and manage my emotions.
How To Give A Man Space
“True love is usually the most inconvenient kind.” – Kiera Cass, The Selection
Simple (but NOT easy). Give him as much time and space as he wants.
Back away and immerse yourself in your own hobbies, goals, and life. The more emotionally centered you can stay at all times— not just when you feel close to him— the better your relationship (and life) will be.
Getting upset when a man takes time to himself is a huge sign that you need to nurture yourself. Enjoy your time and freedom while you’re away from him.
If you confront him about backing off when you haven’t done anything wrong, he will get a needy, dependent vibe from you and you’ll get even less closeness.
Does The Fact That He Told Me He Wants Space Mean That He’s Losing Interest In Your Relationship?
I’ll be honest. The fact that he had to actually speak the words, “I want space” isn’t a good sign, but it definitely doesn’t have to mean that your relationship is doomed.
When it comes to wanting alone time, men usually use their actions before their words. This is because most guys older than 22 have had a woman confront them about “not spending enough time together” at some point in their relationship history. If he tried to say what he actually wanted– time to himself— it is most likely that the person he was with freaked out and tried to use logic and reason to talk him out of wanting distance.
That made him feel even more wrong and smothered!
So, it might feel like he is distancing himself by taking more time with his friends, working a lot or otherwise staying away from you. That’s why when a guy needs space, he’ll suddenly become more difficult to reach, either because it seems like he’s screening your calls and texts or because he’s suddenly busy a lot.
That’s why trying to talk about why he wants space usually results in him angrily shutting down and going further away! The very act of talking about “space” makes him feel even more claustrophobic and determined to get away from you.
Luckily, your relationship might be salvageable depending on how you act right now.
Keep in mind that when a man says he needs space, he’s telling you that right now his needs aren’t being met– either because he’s not getting something he wants in his life as a whole OR because you and he have spent so much time together that he needs time to recharge.
Luckily, to at least get started meeting his needs, all you have to do is back off and give him the time to figure out what he wants!
Up until now, he has probably already tried to show you through distancing action that he wants a little alone time and you’ve either confronted him about it or repeatedly pushed for more than he wants to give. You can turn this around, but you’ve got to back way off and let him come to you.