To get a more accurate view of your past relationship, journal about the things that you loved about the relationship, the things that bothered you about your ex, and your part in the downfall of the relationship.
2. Allow Yourself Space To Grieve By Yourself
Take a few days (at least) to sit with your emotions and let them move through you.
Every time you resist feeling an emotion it goes down to the basement to lift weights. So if you ignore the frustration, anger, resentment, hurt, or pain that is present in your body, it will only get stronger and come back louder than before until you listen to the signals.
3. Embody The ‘You’ That Felt The Most Stifled
In the vast majority of failed relationships, there is bound to be a part of you that felt like it was discouraged by your ex.
Maybe she didn’t like your playful side, or how much time you wanted to spend with your friends, or how much time you spent working on your career.
Whatever it was that felt dormant, go and inhabit that side of yourself to the fullest degree.
You only suffer in a breakup to the extent that you lost yourself during the relationship… so there might be some leftover negative emotional residue if you felt like you weren’t fully allowed to be yourself around your partner. So go be you… all of you!
4. Use Your New Found Energy For Positive Growth
With the surge of adrenaline and cortisol that you get after a break up telling you to get up and get out (aka numb yourself to the pain by partying and hooking up with others) you have a huge opportunity.
Get your exercise routine dialed, learn a new skill, or build a new business.
I have had clients who built successful seven-figure businesses from the surge of adrenaline that they got from an especially painful breakup.
Related:This Is Why He Broke Up With You
Some of the best art in the world was made by people who had lost love. Utilize this current of emotional energy for your personal gain.
(To read more about this point, check out this article on harnessing the pain of a breakup).
5. See Your Emotional Process As A Trend, Not A Linear Path Away From Suffering
If you expect your emotional suffering to decrease in a linear A to B straight line, you’re in for a rude awakening.
Re-frame your processing of the breakup as something that generally trends upwards and you won’t be as taken aback by the down days (when you see something that reminds you of your ex, smell their perfume on someone, etc.). Realistically, it might take a few months before you feel totally like yourself again… and that’s okay. You aren’t broken. You’re human.
How To Destroy The Root Cause Of Your Emotional Suffering
So you’ve done everything listed above and it only feels like it’s affecting you on the logical level, and not on the deeper emotional level?
Then I have one exercise left for you. And it’s one that gets right to the heart of the suffering.
Think back to your relationship with your partner, remember all of the good times and ask yourself one question…
What is the overarching emotional benefit that you got from being with them specifically?