Is it anyone’s fault that the chemistry or connection isn’t there? Of course not! There is nothing wrong with either Katie or Rick.
The connection just isn’t there for Katie. She couldn’t make it be there. She ended up saying to Rick, “You are a really terrific guy. I wish I felt the connection with you that I want to have with a partner, but I don’t. It’s not your fault – it’s just not there.”
Whether or not Rick felt hurt by this is really up to him. Katie can’t take responsibility for how he feels. If Rick has the belief system that not everyone will feel connected with everyone, he will not feel hurt.
If he has the belief system that if a woman doesn’t connect with him, there is something wrong with him, he will feel hurt. His hurt will come from his belief system, not from the fact that Katie broke up with him.
Ending a relationship gracefully means speaking our truth without blame or judgment and not taking responsibility for another’s feelings.
Randi, another one of my clients, recently told me that she was able, to tell the truth rather than give herself up to avoid hurting someone. A friend had introduced her to Barb, thinking that Randi and Barb had a lot in common and could be good friends.
Randi got together with Barb and felt no connection. In fact, she felt the opposite. While Randi felt that Barb was a sweet person, she also felt Barb’s energy pulling on her in various ways.
While some people might not mind needy energy, or even find it endearing, Randi didn’t like it at all. She was pleased with herself because she was able to tell Barb that she just didn’t feel a connection with her. Randi was able to let go of taking responsibility for Barb’s feelings if Barb felt hurt by this.
Is there always a way of breaking up or saying no to a relationship without someone getting hurt?
No. But by gently speaking your truth, you can gracefully end a relationship, and if you accept that another’s feelings come from his or her belief system, then you won’t feel guilty if the other person feels hurt.
Not all relationships are forever typed. This means that ending a relationship is absolutely an inevitable part of human life. But, ending a relationship on a good note is more desirable than ending it with a bitter note.
If you’re in a complicated relationship and deep inside you know that it’s time for it to end, you might be interested to know how to end a relationship amicably.
Written By Dr. Margaret Paul
Printed With Permission