Partners stop talking because they fear what might happen after the conversation starts. What happens if we start talking and can’t work it out?
What happens if I ask my partner what’s bothering them and I can’t handle the answer? What happens if I tell my partner what’s bothering me and they don’t care?
Those fears play into why people stay silent. Tell your partner what’s on your heart.
State Your Fears
If you’re worried about what your spouse might say, think, or do, be transparent about that. Tell your partner what you want them to think or know:
- I know I’m not the best communicator but silence can’t be good. I’m nervous that we’re going to end up in a fighting match. I really don’t want to fight with you. I want us to work this out together.
- I know we keep trying. I know we keep failing but silence is giving up and I don’t want to do that.
- I know that we haven’t been talking. The truth is, I’m scared because I’m desperate for us to connect. I feel like we are on opposite sides and I want to feel like we’re a team again. I want us to figure out some way to work this out even though neither of us really knows how to start.
- Hey, I don’t want you to feel under attack here. I know I am to blame, too, but this conversation has to start somewhere. Our relationship is too important to me to not try so, here goes…
- I caught myself the other day, telling a friend about how great you were with X. I realized I never told you that I thought you did that well. In fact, I can’t remember the last time we had a conversation that went beyond our to-do lists. Can we figure out a time to just check-in, please?
Now that you’ve broken the silence in your marriage and opened the door to connection, the next step is to walk through it together
Written By Heather Gray