Second question: Do you believe you’re worthy of love, affection, and belonging? Again, if the answer is no, then why?
For me, my self-worth was contingent on the fragile and ever-changing state of my relationships. I found worth in academic success, in athletic accolades, and most of all, in the way people looked at me and felt about me. It was all rainbows and sunshine until I got rejected. I felt like a queen until I was broken up with or denied.
Do you rely on validation in your relationships? I certainly used to. How can you give yourself validation, affection, love, attention, and belonging? What can you do for yourself, not contingent on anyone else?
This has absolutely been the key to my finding and accepting love. It begins and ends internally. The relationships I have today are a wonderful byproduct of the relationship I continue to cultivate with myself. And I do that by prioritizing myself.
- I say “no” a lot more now.
- I practice healthy boundaries in all of my relationships (to the best of my ability).
- I fall short on a daily basis and forgive myself for being human.
- I refuse to allow my shame narratives that tell me I’m not good enough or too much.
- I journal on an (almost) daily basis, and always include gratitude and affirmations.
- I laugh at myself!
- I ask for help.
- I try to remain teachable every moment of every day.
- I find room for growth and fill it with self love and compassion.
- I try my darndest to practice what I preach, so as to not throw myself into a state of hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance.
- I acknowledge the flaws, embrace them, lean into them, and write them all out on here.
Because what I’ve learned above all else, is that human beings connect via their imperfections, not the social media highlight reel of their life which sends each of us into a state of an emotional and isolating abyss.
Give yourself the gift of self love. You can’t accept anyone else’s love if you don’t believe you’re worthy of it, anyway. Stop seeking outside of yourself for anything to fill the gaping void inside of you that only you can fill.
You are worthy. If you’re still reading this very spontaneously written piece, that means that you’re still seeking some answers. Never forget, though, that everything you are looking for is inside of you already. Your job is to find out what’s blocking you from tapping into that internal light and love. And smash it with a hammer.
Because today, I love myself. Fully and completely. And I invite you to give yourself the chance to feel the same about yourself. It’s really quite nice.
Written By Hannah Rose
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today