Whatever burning desires live inside of you, pay them the attention they deserve. You must listen to them and act accordingly… otherwise, they will end up hurting you.
3. Let Go Of Needing To Justify Your Actions Or Preferences
You don’t need to justify your actions or your way of being in the world to anyone.
I do some pretty weird stuff with my life.
I run an internet-based business. I spend a few summer days per week at a nude beach. I often go to the BDSM/kink themed parties with my friends. I spend more money on vitamins and supplements than some people think is normal. And I have experienced resistance to all of these things on multiple occasions.
But you know what the great thing is? At the end of the day, I only have to answer to myself and my conscience. When I’m lying in bed at night and I’m navigating the whirring thoughts in my mind as I doze off to sleep, the only question I can ever ask myself is “Did I live today according to my values and beliefs? Was today a day of integrity for me?” And if the answer is a resounding “Yes!” then I feel like I have stayed on my path and used my day wisely.
So why do so many people justify their actions, preferences, or way of being in the world to others? Because they’re still tied to the external validation and need for approval from others.
The need to fit in is universal and hard-wired into us. External validation isn’t unhealthy either. The forces of social tension keep us safe in a lot of ways and keep social order in place. But where this tension oversteps its boundaries is when we start living our lives for other people and not primarily for ourselves.
In the process of individuation in human development (separating from our parents) we learn how to shift from being someone who is primarily concerned with pleasing our parental figures, to discovering who we are and how we want to view the world. Personal values are largely formed during this stage as we question everything around us in our lives.
So if you still feel the need to justify or explain yourself to others (even without prompting) then you might want to consider how much importance you place on other’s opinions of you.
If you need someone to incessantly tell you you’re doing a good job or doing the right thing, maybe you need to tell yourself that more often.
What It Means To Be A Real Man
Individual cultures tell us that there is only one way to be a man. And living in the male box can feel pretty limiting sometimes… if you let it get to you.
But you can also choose to just say “Fuck it. I am what I am. And that has nothing to do with my gender or orientation.”
So what if, as a guy, you need to feel an emotional connection before you can sleep with someone?