How To Ease Back Into Dating After An Abusive Relationship

 / 

,
Dating After Abusive Relationship

Have you become newly single after escaping from a toxic situation and are you wondering how to ease back into dating after an abusive relationship so that you can truly find happiness?

I know that itโ€™s scary, the idea of dating, and good for you for thinking ahead about how to do it in a healthy way.

Fortunately, there are steps that you can take to make sure that, when you are ready to start dating again, you will be prepared so that you can set yourself up for success.

Related Dating Again After An Abusive Relationship With A Narcissist

5 Ways To Ease Back Into Dating After An Abusive Relationship

1. Get to know yourself again.

For many people who have been in abusive relationships, we lose who we are. Months or years of being told that we are less than, that everything is our fault, that we are worthless and not worth respect, and that we are unattractive and stupid, takes its toll on oneโ€™s self-esteem.

And people who have low self-esteem will attract other people with low self-esteem, which might just start the whole vicious cycle all over again.

When you have gotten out of an abusive relationship, take some time to get to know yourself again. Spend time with people who love you so that you can re-learn how loveable you are. Do something that you have always wanted to do but didnโ€™t believe you could, so you can learn how strong you really are. Learn something new, so that you can get reconnected with your intelligence.

Building up your self-confidence is a key part of being successful in the dating world. If you can go into it not thinking of yourself as a victim or as less than, but as someone who had the strength to get out of an abusive relationship, someone who values themselves and is surrounded by people who love them, you will attract like-minded people, the kind of people you would want to be in a relationship with.

I know the idea might be daunting but getting to know yourself again is an important part of easing back into dating after an abusive relationship.

2. Take stock of what happened in your relationship.

Abusive relationships are devastating. You find yourself in a place where you are constantly miserable, questioning yourself and everything around you, being subjected to verbal, and maybe, physical abuse, treading water just trying to prevent yourself from drowning. Ugh.

Once you escape from an abusive relationship itโ€™s important to take stock of how the relationship turned abusive. Was it that way from the beginning or did something happen that caused the abuse to start? Was the abuse constant or only during a certain set of circumstances? Did other people know about the abuse or did you hide it? Were you aware that you were being abused?

Itโ€™s also important to take stock of your role in the relationship. Was your overwhelm such that you found yourself provoking your person at times? Did you roll over and take the abuse, even in front of your children? Could you have left the situation earlier than you did?

Read The Honest Truth About Life After A Toxic Relationship

Being aware of everything that happened in your relationship, and recognizing things that you did that you can take responsibility for, will allow you to ease back into dating because you will have clarity about what happened and be determined not to let it happen again.

3. Believe.

Many people who are ready to ease back into dating after an abusive relationship, go in skeptical. Their view of love has been tainted by the past and the prospect of meeting someone new, someone who could love the ‘broken’ them, seems impossible. This is especially true of people who are considering online dating, a truly frustrating and seemingly unnatural way to date.

Let me tell you, from years of personal and professional experience, that it is not only possible, but probable, that you will meet someone else out there in the world. That you will meet someone who can treat you right and who will make you happy. It might take some time and you might need to kiss a few frogs but your person is out there.

And while internet dating may seem unpalatable, there are plenty of people who have met their person online and who are living happily ever after.

So, before you put yourself out there to start dating, ask yourself if you believe that this could work. If you donโ€™t believe, it wonโ€™t. Putting out negative energy is going to doom your dating prospects from the start.

Believe that you will find someone and the positive energy will draw that person too you!

4. Choose differently.

Many, many people who donโ€™t take stock of what happened in past relationships move on to relationships that are very similar to the toxic ones they had in the past. For whatever reason, they find themselves attracted to the same sort of person, sometimes over and over, and the relationships end up the same every time.

Related 5 Reasons Why You Are Attracted To Toxic People

Now that you have awareness of what happened in your abusive relationship, it might be easier for you to recognize the things that you need to do differently when itโ€™s time to date. You might now recognize the kind of person you want to date, the kind of behaviors you want you both to exhibit, the kind of feelings you want this person to make you feel.

I have a client who was in a relationship with someone she didnโ€™t trust โ€“ he had fooled around on her repeatedly and lied to her about it. She was determined to find someone she could trust the next time around and she did. And, while that relationship didnโ€™t work out, she knew going out of it that there were guys out there she could trust. The guy she met this week is not only incredibly trustworthy but he has many of the traits that her old boyfriend lacked. I see a potentially marvelous future for them both!

5. Go slowly.

If there is one piece of advice that I give all of my clients, itโ€™s to enter into any new relationship slowly.

So many of us meet someone, fall madly in love and then fall quickly into bed, without even getting to know the new person. When that new person finally starts to show themselves, we are often too far in to get out of the relationship easily.

If you meet someone you like, take your time. Get to know their likes and dislikes, their past relationships, their relationships with their parents, their hopes and dreams for the future. And DONโ€™T fall into bed with them. Sex changes everything, particularly for women who seem to get more attached to someone after they have had sex, even if they werenโ€™t particularly attached before.

My boyfriend, the love of my life, was a friend for 6 months before we started dating. Because there was no prospect of dating, we were open and honest with each other and told each other things about ourselves that made us quite vulnerable. By the time we started dating, we knew and trusted each other. Our lovemaking was intimate and our love grew quickly from there and was healthy.

So, as you ease back into dating after an abusive relationship, take it slow. Donโ€™t do it like you did last time. (You took it too fast, didnโ€™t you?) Get to know this person before you give them your heart, and your body. You will set yourself up for success if you do.

Dating is hard in the best of times and knowing how to ease back into dating after an abusive relationship is important.

You have just been through a lot and to embark on the search for another someone is scary. And you are brave.

So, before you do, get to know yourself again, fall in love with yourself again. Take stock of what happened in your relationship and familiarize yourself with the role you played in it. Choose carefully and mindfully who you date, believe that your person is out there and take it slow.

People can and do find good love after an abusive relationship. You can too!

Originally published in letyourdreamsbegin.com


Dating After Abusive Relationship pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Are You Hesitant To Commit? 6 Warning Signs Of Lack Of Commitment In A Relationship And How To Navigate Them

Signs of Lack of Commitment in a Relationship: Red Flags

Do you always find yourself in short-term, casual relationships? Does the idea of committing in a relationship make you nervous? Are you showing signs of lack of commitment in a relationship?

Commitment issues can be a significant barrier to building a healthy and fulfilling partnership, affecting both individuals involved. Today, let us explore what are commitment issues, the signs that may indicate their presence, the underlying causes of commitment issues, and effective strategies to overcome them.

By understanding these factors, you can empower yourself to navigate the complexities of relationships with greater confidence and clarity.

Are You Afraid of Commitment?



Up Next

6 Signs Of Soft Ghosting: Decoding The Art Of Disappearing

Signs Of Soft Ghosting: Decoding The Art Of Disappearing

Imagine a scenario where you’re texting someone you like, and everything seems great. Then, out of nowhere, they stop replying, and you’re stuck not knowing what’s really going on. This is just one of the signs of soft ghosting.

Soft ghosting is usually a bit different from the usual ghosting because it’s more gradual. Imagine being left hanging without any explanation; it feels like a half-hearted response. You aren’t completely ignored, but you’re clearly not at the top of their list.

So, what is soft ghosting, really? And how to deal with soft ghosting? Let’s first try to understand what is soft ghosting.<



Up Next

How To Move On From A Situationship? 3 Things That Can Help You

How To Move On From A Situationship? Things That Can Help

If you have ever been in a situationship, you know that it still hurts when it ends. So, how to move on from a situationship? In this article, we are going to talk about some of the best things to do if you’re trying to move on from a situationship.

A โ€œsituationshipโ€ is a romantic and/or sexual relationship that isnโ€™t formally defined. You may know it by its other pop culture references like โ€œfriends with benefits,โ€ โ€œfun buddies,โ€ or โ€œbooty call.โ€

People in situationships generally arenโ€™t exclusively committed to each other and typically arenโ€™t expected to fork over a ton of emotional investment.



Up Next

6 Things Single People Are Tired Of Hearing: Hearing It On Repeat

Things Single People Are Tired Of Hearing: Enough Already

Being single is not a crime, nor is it something to feel sorry about. There are so many things single people are tired of hearing, and they just want all those “well-wishers” to just zip it. Let’s explore 6 of the most annoying things single people are sick of hearing, and the things single people hate hearing.

KEY POINTS

Despite their good intentions, family and friends often give harmful advice to single people.

It’s important for daters not to get so overwhelmed that they ignore their own values.

Relationships can progress at different speeds and intensities and stil



Up Next

11 Types Of Dating Trends Popular Among Gen-Z: Stay Up-to-Date with the Latest Lingo!

Types Of Dating Trends Popular Among Gen-Z In

Welcome to the wild and wacky world of Gen Z dating trends! Itโ€™s bound to be a rollercoaster. In this digital age, where swiping right is as customary as saying hi, thereโ€™s a certain way Gen Z has perfected the art of connecting, through their different and dare I say interesting types of dating trends.

With situationships thatโ€™ll have you scratching your head to love hazes thatโ€™ll have you say โ€œbeen there!โ€ weโ€™re diving into 11 popular gen z dating trends that will leave you feeling confused and intrigued at the same time.

So buckle up for the ride ahead and get ready to navigate the dicey wor



Up Next

5 Signs Of Dating Burnout:ย Hitting The Wall in Love?

Signs Of Dating Burnout: Hitting The Wall in Love?

Ever felt like you’ve hit a brick wall in your love life? That’s dating burnout for you, and it’s more common than you think. It’s that overwhelming feeling when the search for “The One” starts to feel more like a chore than a journey of the heart. Let’s dive into the five telltale signs that you might be experiencing this modern love dilemma.

KEY POINTS

Burnout is usually characterized by a feeling that no matter what one does, nothing will improve, often leading to feelings of apathy.

One study found that 78 percent of adults aged 18-54 have experienced online dating burnout.



Up Next

Dating With Low Self Esteem? 6 Tips For Navigating The Dating Scene with Confidence

Dating With Low Self Esteem? Tips For Being More Confident

Ah, the exciting universe of dating! Dating in the modern world can feel like a rollercoaster filled with thrilling emotions and fluttering hearts. But what do you do when you suffer from low self esteem? What does it look like, dating with low self esteem?

Dating with low self esteem can feel as difficult as trying to solve a Rubik’s cube with one hand tied behind your back. Interactions may be marred by negative self-perceptions which can make you doubt your worth and desirability. However, donโ€™t let that scare you, because low self-esteem does not necessarily mean doom.

In this article, we are going to t