See, what happens is that we sense their moods and if we detect anything the least bit negative, our imaginations start running wild and we come up with all kinds of horrible things that are almost certainly going on.
Except we can’t really be certain about what’s going on.
Unless we ask.
So to figure out what’s ACTUALLY going on, keep those communication lines open.
8. Communicate clearly and directly.
Another thing that I have found helps a bunch is to put some effort into communicating as clearly and directly as you possibly can.
You may be an empath and a mind reader. You may be especially skilled at predicting other people’s needs.
But that doesn’t mean your non-HSP spouse is the same way. Your non-HSP spouse may not be capable of reading your moods and mind the way you can. So you may need to spell out exactly what is on your mind.
At a volume that s/he can actually hear.
In straight-forward and logical sentences and paragraphs.
NOT in a mumbled mess of stream of consciousness chaos.
For important matters, I find that it helps to clarify my own thoughts before voicing them by writing them down. And sometimes I actually just share with my husband what I have written to be absolutely certain that nothing is lost in my poor verbal communication.
9. Remember that grass isn’t always greener.
Does my husband sometimes wish that I was more into hosting guests at our house?
Does my husband sometimes wish that the world didn’t come to an end whenever my bedtime slips by 15 minutes?
Do I sometimes wish that my husband didn’t get so goddamn antsy after two seconds of sitting around quietly?
Do I sometimes wish that my husband wanted to read all the same books I’m reading and then have four-hour conversations about each?
But here’s the thing. If these wishes came true, then he wouldn’t be him and I wouldn’t be me anymore. And so we aim to accept each other exactly as we are.
Plus, being married to your identical twin would be totally boring.
And unless you actually marry your identical twin, there are going to be personality clashes in every marriage. Even if you married another HSP.
Which, by the way, comes with its own set of problems. What if you had different sensitivities and had to watch out for twice as much stuff? And who would take care of all the stuff that you can’t stand doing?
Which brings me to my last point…
10. Take advantage.
There are so many ways in which being married to your opposite ROCKS.
First of all, there’s the balancing effect.
My husband pushes me to experience the world more than I would bother to do on my own. I mean if it weren’t for him and the kids, I would probably venture out of the house about once every six months.
But I think I broaden his horizons too. He’s actually using the Audible membership I got him for his commutes.
Second, non-HSPs don’t mind doing some of the stuff that HSPs can’t stand and vice versa.
My husband doesn’t mind being the playdate and birthday party coordinator for the kids and accompanying them to these events. He doesn’t mind making phone calls. He doesn’t mind running errands. He doesn’t mind driving. He doesn’t even mind pumping gas and being exposed to the fumes.
So I just let him take care of all that!
In return, I take care of all the things that he doesn’t have the patience for. I do all the meal planning, grocery ordering, online shopping, bill paying, family fun planning, travel planning, and laundry folding.
It’s not like either one of us is totally in love with doing chores, but it helps a bunch when you don’t have to do any of the stuff that you dislike the most.
This is NOT something I thought to consider when I married a non-HSP, but every time my minivan’s gas tank miraculously fills itself, I thank my lucky stars that that’s the way it worked out.
P.S. I have pumped my own gas exactly twice in the past 20 years. Both times I had written instructions on a post-it note because I had no idea how to do it. Is this something I should be proud of or embarrassed about?
Check out Anni Poikolainen’s blog for more such informative and interesting articles.
Written By Anni Poikolainen Originally Appeared In Solutions To All Your Problems