Healing Follows Honesty – Mind Talk

Last week, I was reading a book in which a young girl struggles to reconcile the disharmony she sees between her parents and the ‘happy family show’ they put on in Church every Sunday. Naturally, she was terribly confused about love, religion, society and knowing what is the truth.

I remember one young woman who had so many problems on the home front. She would often come to me with her problems. Her family life was a mess with her mother leaving the family at regular intervals and friends having to convince her to come home. Imagine our shock when we saw an article in the newspaper written by this girl about her perfect family. To this day I wonder what made her write it. Self-deception? Wanting to project something to the world?

Long before we could blame Facebook for the fact that we often pretend to have perfect lives, putting on a good show for society has been a part of the world we live in. The only thing that Facebook does is provide us with an easy platform to showcase our (not so) perfect lives.

I begin to think of how hard it must be for people to show that all is well in their world. How much energy it must take to pretend. Surely, this has some negative impact on their health and well-being. I know, because I’ve been there – pretending that all was well in my world. In my defense I’ll say, that while I didn’t talk of problems, I didn’t go out of my way to show that mine was a perfect life either. Still, it took a lot of emotional energy.

Self-deceit shows itself in all addicts, making them pretend that they can control their habits. The first step to de-addiction is admitting that there is a problem.

Self-deceit manifests itself in dysfunctional relationships – between partners, between parents and children, between co-workers and friends. I think we all, to varying degrees, struggle with admitting to ourselves that people hurt us. Also, admitting that we’re in a dysfunctional relationship takes courage. Often we have to break off ties, break up a marriage, and move away from these people and the drama. This is not easy at all. It calls for action and change. And like the song goes, breaking up is hard to do……..

But if we want to start the process of healing, we must stop deceiving ourselves. Stop deluding ourselves that people will change. Stop telling ourselves that we’re all-loving and all-forgiving and that we can put up with disrespect and abuse in the name of love and friendship. Only then can the process of growth and healing begin.

“Just as surely as distress must follow self-deceit, healing must follow self-honesty.” – Vernon Howard


 

Mind Talk by Corinne Rodrigues
To read more from her, Follow her Blog Everyday Gyaan 

 

corinnerodrigueshttp://everydaygyaan.com
A lover of words. A self-acceptance blogger. A book reviewer.A woman happily journeying through midlife, moving from self-improvement to self-acceptance and enjoying being herself.

2 COMMENTS

  1. God is devil for Demon, in most cases those we go looking for help is the problem, everything is prespective in the world we live we have to blame parents to servive kindof hard for parents to know what to do b/c if they doing well most people will be out of business b/c of such reason parenting is hard specialy when u sick help from individuals who absultly no idea of life practicaly

  2. life is vibration and everything is vibrating – shin kwon
    find your passion. do what requires all of you. – shin kwon
    pushing tha envelope (To attempt to extend the current limits of performance. To innovate, or go beyond commonly accepted boundaries.). that’s all i’m doing – shin kwon
    our bodies transform our deepst pains into liquid. that is where tha pain leaves us, through tha eyes. – shin kwon
    people are not property. we are not things – shin kwon
    how does one imprison a person stealing bread because they are starving? is not starving a people a far greater crime? tha theft of peoples lives and livelihoods? – shin kwon
    mastery through repitition, because praqctice makes perfect – shin kwon
    time itself cannot heal wounds. love over time is what heals – shin kwon
    there are no accidents according to destiny/fate – shin kwon
    we spend more time and effort to kill people rather than to heal people. – shin kwon
    they will hate your truths and love their lies.- shin kwon
    every love is unique in it’s own vibrations. for love to be shared from one individual to another there must be a love connection – shin kwon
    do not set me on fire. i am already a burning eternal inferno. tha moment i fell in love my heart was set ablaze. it’s lit~! – shin kwon
    tha most uncommon thing about most human beings is tha lack of common sense – shin kwon
    love in essence is formless, which is why love can take all kinds of different forms, shapes, and sizes. – shin kwon
    such a sad devotion to an ancient religion. we have evolved since then. join us in tha present and stop living in tha past. – shin kwon
    there is only right. everything that happened is everything that you are, right now. it’s only wrong if you don’t love who you are – shin kwon
    tha only possession you can keep are your actions. everything else can be taken from you, so what really is yours? you and tha environment are one. for none can separate oneself from tha context in which they exist. – shin kwon
    there is no obligation. obligation is a feeling manifested by one’s own self such as guilt – shin kwon
    i write but writing is not my profession. i philosophize but philosophy is not my profession. all tha things i do i do out of love. i am a lover and i profess love. love is my only profession – shin kwon
    not everything is temporary. love is forever – shin kwon
    we spend more time and effort to kill people rather than to heal people. – shin kwon
    practice makes perfect, mastery through repitition – shin kwon
    be all purposeful. a jack of all trades and an ace of spades – shin kwon
    there are no accidents according to destiny – shin kwon
    time itself cannot heal wounds. love over time is what heals – shin kwon
    sometimes you have to feel a conversation because some people communicate how they feel without words. – shin kwon
    what is sanity? every thing and everyone is mental. what can anyone prove outside of your own mentalitiy? – shin kwon
    who this guy? who this guy?? i know this guy, but i don’t really know this guy. – shin kwon
    find tha source of who you are and there you will find tha center of everything – shin kwon
    some of tha pages in my story book are left blank for a reason. – shin kwon
    i consider myself an amateur professional in tha skills i have mastered – shin kwon
    when you’re an historian every month is black history month. historians tend to hold onto other people’s past – shin kwon
    if you don’t get right with your past, you’re future will seem like it’s heading in tha wrong direction. unifinished business ghost of tha past type shit – shin kwon
    live a life with meaning and you’ll be seen as a life worth mentioning. – shin kwon
    empathy is as close as anyone will get to a life experience without it having it actually happening to you – shin kwon
    some families have turned privilege into a birth right – shin kwon
    you may not remember exactly how it all went down, but i guarantee you’ll remember exactly how it made you feel – shin kwon
    confusion is your greatest teacher – shin kwon
    don’t just think. feel. ya feel me? – shin kwon
    if you don’t try you don’t know – shin kwon
    keyboard > pen > sword – shin kwon
    tha keyboard is greater than tha pen which is mighter than tha sword – shin kwon
    don’t just fucking say shit. prove it to me motherfucker. i will admit when i am wrong and thank you for correcting bravery leads to fearlessness – shin kwon
    sometimes someone’s silence is tha loudest thing you’ll ever hear – shin kwon
    enjoy life rather than criticize it, unless if that’s what you enjoy doing. being a hater. – shin kwon
    tha enlilghtened do not fall prey to victimhood – shin kwon
    your greatest work of art is you – shin kwon
    me. just because it was proven to you does not mean it was proven to me. i have higher standards than most for accepting something as truth or fact. – shin kwon
    how you react and feel about something is a choice. how you choose to respond to any situation or circumstance is entirely up to you – shin kwon
    tha beauty of our dark shadows are what makes our light so brilliant and illuminating – shin kwon
    shaking my head at all tha people who shake their heads – shin kwon
    tha world is changed by our perceptions and projections – shin kwon
    a person’s world is only as big as their imagination – shin kwon
    sin is a term made virtuous by those in power to make everyone else feel guilty about being alive – shin kwon
    to know what true love is, one must first truly love themselves – shin kwon
    tha beauty you see in everything is allowed to be seen by tha beauty held within – shin kwon
    to defeat tha beast one most take refuge within tha heart of tha monster – shin kwon
    tha world is changed by our perceptions and projections – shin kwon
    there is no outside purpose. you are tha only reason why – shin kwon
    foreplayful. foreplayfulness. – shin kwon (coined)
    time is precious to us. it is all we have. we pay attention to and spend time with who and what we think is worth out time. – shin kwon
    some people lead by example, but most people are examples of what not to do. – shin kwon
    i want to spend my anytime minutes on you and i don’t own a cell phone – shin kwon
    nothing scares me (double entendre) – shin kwon
    all things are just interpretations of tha universe – shin kwon
    love is positive. as long as you are in love, there is no negativity. – shin kwon
    she’s makes my heart stop, pop lock, and drop it like it’s hot – shin kwon
    my love for you is a forever endeavor – shin kwon
    we are only defined by others. to ourselves, there is no definition – shin kwon
    love is tha only drug. if you don’t love it, it doesn’t get you high – shin kwon
    it would be quite foolish to rush what you want to last forever – shin kwon

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