How to heal your inner child that can block you for love and opening up in the relationship
Your inner child is ALWAYS inside of you. You carry it around wherever you go because he or she lives in your heart.
When the inner child is abandoned by its father or mother, discouraged, or not ‘acknowledged’ by parents when you were young. But also cheated on or rejected by a loved one… Then what happens?
What does the inner child do?
The inner child says: ‘I will shield myself from feeling anything for anyone. I do NOT want a serious, loving relationship because loving someone means getting abandoned or turned down. Caring for somebody will cause me pain, depression, and even illness.
Of course, you’ll keep on living and you‘ll move on, but your inner child will be there forever, protecting you from new possible heartbreak.
What happens when you connect, meet, see (even though the internet) a possible long-term partner?
The inner child (tarot card 9 of wands) awakens (as a huge force of energy), already in fear of losing that person in the future. Will she leave me for another man? Will she turn me down, when my heart is wide open for her? Will she be mean, arrogant or bitchy? Will she get ill or maybe even die? Your inner child has become so scared of all you’ve already gone through, that the slightest form of affection for anyone can trigger its alarms. It has nothing to do with your new crush, by the way, this new woman( could well be the love of your life!
How does this trigger point works?
The energy can take over your whole system. It is so strong in protecting you from any more harm, that this can show up in your body functions, but also behavior and sleep. When it stands up, all of a sudden, it can look like this:
– Heart problems ‘out of nowhere’
– The strong feeling of ‘ending this now’- whatever it is.
– Feeling very nervous, without any reason
– Crying out of nowhere, and feeling scared and lost
– The person that comes near you, has to be ‘ removed at once’.
– You cannot sleep anymore, thr is something ‘seriously wrong’
– You start drinking/smoking or any other habit to escape from ‘ something’ that feels like an enormous danger. You want to ‘ get away’
– You need to be alone and protect yourself, you feel like running away now.
– It feels like an ‘ alarm-situation’
What can I do?
Meditate. Lay a hand on your heart and see the child (you as a young boy/girl) in front of you. Ask why it is in so much fear. Hold it when it cries. Tell it this: ‘I am now grown up. I will remain to protect and comfort you. I DO want to be open to this new love. I know that what you‘re doing is out of love for me. Thank you. ‘
‘But I’m an adult now, and I choose to connect with this person. Don’t be afraid anymore, trust me…’ Put the inner child back in your heart. Give it some toys to play with, and let it be comfortable. You must do this every day when it is really afraid of loving again….’
Note: The first encounter with your inner child can be very emotional. She or he could’ve been in a dark corner alone and crying for decades. Just pick it up and comfort it, as you are Grown Up Now. Share emotions, cuddle it and make sure it understands that the situation is going to change Now. You’ll keep on loving it, but you’ll be open for new love at the same time.
See in the child’s eyes. Concentrate on it, for a long time. Feel how it looks like, how it feels like, how it acts. It’s scared, confused, insecure and unsafe. How old is your child? See how it holds you back from change, how it prevents you to become emotionally grown-up. See how it stops you from getting to your true feelings. You’re capable of holding this child, comforting it. Whisper for example, I’m <<name>> and I’m <<age>> years old. I swear to protect you from everything that might harm you. We can do anything, be anywhere and love anyone. It’s okay to have feelings. I’ve seen you, and I’ll hold you. Let’s change. I’ve already changed. I see your fears and I understand them. I see the pain you’ve experienced in the past. Tell it everything you want it to know and hug it. You’re an adult now, and you can count on yourself. You’re able to protect yourself, love yourself and leave.
Embrace your inner child and let it play instead of being scared.
Inner Child practices and meditations
This is an example, I made myself, for my own inner child:
( Picture: Own archive)
Today I have been wandering in the forest, seeing through the eyes of a small child.
My own inner child. Where would she like to be? What does she want to see? Where does she want to go?
What makes her happy in the present AND the future? What are her dreams? What are her hopes? Where do ‘ my feet’ need to walk, to make us both happy? We – as in Me and My inner child- saw a beautiful mansion, a big tree for ‘grounding’, and a signpost pointing at two different directions: our daily ‘free choice’. We saw an ‘open road’ full of freshness and oxygen and growth! These are symbols for new choices. You can do the same!
Read 8 Ways Reparenting Yourself Can Help Heal Your Inner Child
I made a collage, with my vintage red shoes from the seventies, it displays where ‘ she’ would like to walk and exist…’- Leda
Another Inner Child practice
For example, Make a colorful mood board (use big paper sheets with colors, glitters, and hearts). Craft a child that’s supposed to be YOU. Put on all things that make you happy and make you feel safe. So cut out hearts, food, bears, everything you like from magazines and make a happy, loved, warm, childhood collage. A mood board depicting who you truly wanted to be as a child, or visualizations what the small child is doing in her room that totally makes him/her happy. What can you give to make it feel safe? A new room? Do you need to lay her asleep? Do you need to give it a certain toy? Or does it want to be held in your arms and cry? Does she need to hear certain words like ‘ it is safe’, ‘ you are loved’, and ‘ I take care of you, always, and I always love you no matter how you look, feel or what you undertake in life’. When is it smiling again and calm? After this feels good- Place the little him/her in your heart. And this is the space she/he will always be, so be sure to check it often, because most panic attacks or unsafety you feel as a grown-up, has often to do with the little child that has fears and pain, and doesn’t feel safe with the grown-up world- Or lovers.
Feeling uncomfortable on earth – Incarnate in this body with love
It can also feel like ‘ You do not belong on earth’. That sounds very ‘deep’. It is not. Your inner child, but also your soul can have ‘ had enough’ trauma and pain, just with dealing with the pain in the world, love pain, illness, death and traumas from past lives. Know that we all have incarnated more than this lifetime. How does your soul felt, when it was put in jail in the middle ages, raped, murdered, hanged, or beaten with stones, hanged on a cross, or burned as a wise woman (witch). The soul remembers this as trauma on planet earth. Why coming back, when you got killed or hanged anyways? It sounds funny, but this is the truth. The duality and ego on earth, has caused us all ‘ trauma’. We left earth, after this trauma, and many souls walk this earth ‘ Unhealed’, and ‘Not whole’. We have not closed and ended these horrible past lives. Many healers at this moment, are ‘wounded healers’. We have helped people and the earth, for so many lifetimes as priests, healers, helpers, and many times we were put in prison, burned and hanged. Only just because you were wise, light, a genius they did not understand, or different from the tribe you were born at. The soul remembers trauma, and the more you got incarnated, the more you remember more pain. Remembering that you had all this pain, can release the emotion. You are able to ground and love Mother Earth again, by sending light to all these past life trauma’s. Say to yourself ‘ I live in a new lifetime now, and in this lifetime I will incarnate in the Here- and Now. I ask my soul to fully incarnate in this body, in this year (name year of the day you do this). And I give myself permission to fully live in this body- in this life, fully healed – and Only in light, from now on. I am not scared anymore- Today my life begins, and I am fully aware and loved.’
Practice mood boards, but also ‘feed’ the inner child with things we all should do as grown-ups. Every day there is something to ‘play’ with, laugh at, feel young with. We can all watch cartoons, play computer games, or feel innocent like a little child is, no matter how much pain you had in this life. Do it NOW. It’s Fun, fun, fun…- Let the Healing start Now.
Read Reasons Why Healing your Inner Child is Crucial for Self-Growth
Text and article written By Leda.
Copyright @ Leda De Zwaan
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