“Why are you all sad?
I thought I was doing you a favour,” I thought to myself.
The pain on the faces of my family was the initial sliver of doubt that had me question whether I wasn’t actually a burden to the world.
While the seed of doubt had been planted in my mind, I wasn’t ready to face into the depth of my repressed pain.
The unconscious programming that I had held on to (telling me that everyone I loved was just waiting to turn on me with cruelty and without warning) led me to study interpersonal relationships like a man possessed.
I read everything I could get my hands on that might give me the silver bullet solution to making people NOT hate me. I constructed a mask, and then (from the ages of 22-25) taught others how to live with the same mask that I had constructed.
I became a professional dating coach and helped people get into (largely surface level) relationships.
While helping people get traction in their lives and stepping into some form of teaching appealed to me, I could increasingly tell that something felt misaligned for me in the version of what I was doing.
At 25, I began to tire of the social mask that I had constructed, and wanted to go deeper into my process.I started dating women who could more fully see me (as I finally began to allow myself to be more fully seen by others).
I started working with coaches and therapists who had more embodied wisdom, and similar childhood trauma to me.In short, I started to reach out and ask for help for the first time ever. I truly surrendered.
Over the past year and a half I leaned harder into my self-development process than I ever have.
Largely catalyzed by a series of painful events (a significant breakup, a close friend passing away, and reaching a new level of success in my business and feeling deeply unfulfilled by it).
I started working with a transpersonal therapist, joined a weekly men’s group, and began doing more physically embodied therapeutic exercises that helped me get out of my head and into my emotional body.
Without hyperbole, this past year and a half has been the most challenging and healing period of time in my entire life, by a landslide.
Of all of the things that I have done, these are the three biggest things that I did to help heal my repressed pain and trauma.
It is my hope that you will be able to take something out of these steps to use in your own process.
1. Fully face, and accept, the truth of your situation
You can’t fully let go of something until you have first taken it into your hand and grasped it.If you don’t allow yourself to fully acknowledge the truth of whatever you have lived through, it will continue to have power over you.
There’s a big difference between saying
“I was bullied when I was young, but I was probably just being a sensitive little kid,” and, “I was bullied relentlessly for years and had suicidal thoughts for years because of it.”