Why Failing Relationships?
Narcissists hate happiness and joy and ebullience and vivaciousness in their victims – in short, they hate life itself. The roots of this bizarre propensity can be traced to a few psychological dynamics, which operate concurrently (it is very confusing to be a narcissist):
First, there is pathological envy.
The Narcissist is constantly envious of other people: their successes, their property, their character, their education, their children, their ideas, the fact that they can feel, their good mood, their past, their future, their present, their spouses, their mistresses or lovers, their location…
Almost ANYTHING can be the trigger of a bout of biting, acidulous envy. But there is nothing, which reminds the narcissist more of the totality of his envious experiences than happiness. Narcissists lash out at happy people out of their own deprivation.
Then there is narcissistic hurt.
The narcissist regards himself as the center of the world and the lives of those surrounding him. He is the source of all emotions, responsible for all developments, positive and negative alike, the axis, the prime cause, the only cause, the mover, the shaker, the broker, the pillar, forever indispensable.
It is, therefore, a bitter and sharp rebuke to this grandiose fantasy to see someone else happy. It confronts the narcissist with a reality outside the realm of his fantasies. It painfully serves to illustrate to him that he is but one of many causes, phenomena, triggers, and catalysts. That there are things happening outside the orbit of his control or initiative.
The narcissist uses projective identification. He feels bad through other people, his proxies. He induces unhappiness and gloom in others to enable him to experience his own misery. Inevitably, he attributes the source of such sadness either to himself, as its cause – or to the “pathology” of the sad person.
Though he is the chronically depressed partner, “You are constantly draining me. I do all the work in this relationship.” is a common sentence. The narcissist – in an effort to maintain the depressive state until it serves some cathartic purposes – strives to perpetuate it by showing constant reminders of its existence.
Related: 24 Terms Of Narcissistic Abuse That You Should Know About
If the Narcissistic decides to show any pity for his victim, it is usually an under-handed slap in the face type of comment. “You look sad/bad/pale today. Is anything wrong?
Even though he perpetrated the wrong, he takes no blame.
He will make diabolical statements like, “Can I help you? Things haven’t been going so well, ah? That is because you are not in step with me, you are never satisfied, you lag behind complaining all the time about one little thing I do wrong.” or “You would be happier if you just trust me more.”
Last but not least is the exaggerated fear of losing control.
The narcissist feels that he controls his human environment mostly by manipulation and mainly by emotional extortion and distortion. This is not far from reality. He suppresses any sign of emotional autonomy.
He feels threatened and belittled by an emotion fostered not by him or by his actions directly or indirectly. Counteracting someone else’s happiness is the narcissist’s way of reminding everyone: I am here, I am omnipotent, you are at my mercy and you will feel happy only when I tell you to.
If you want to know more about what happens when you abandon a narcissist, then check this video out below: