Ok, one of the things that aren’t just in the world is that guys going through a breakup often have NO idea what to do to get through it and out the other side intact.
I remember my daughter, when she was 16, telling me about her friend who had her heart broken. I asked her what she told her friend to do. My daughter said, “Go eat ice cream.” This from my daughter who had never had a broken heart herself.
The same thing happened to my son. When I asked what he said, I got a shrug. That’s it.
Women, by nature, are emotional and tend to process breakups in a way where they can get past them and move on. Men, unfortunately, don’t always naturally possess the skills, nor have they been taught how to process their emotions. As a result, they can get stalled out and stay damaged after a relationship ends.
Fortunately, there are things that guys going through a break up can do now to get through this pain and get on with their lives.
1. Feel the pain.
I can’t tell you how many songs I have heard over the years about men who are going through a breakup and how they do so with whiskey and women, the ultimate self-medication tools.
“The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else” is the prevailing wisdom I hear from many of my male friends.
Let me tell you that, while getting under someone else will make you feel better in the moment, really, it’s just a short term fix. Women and whiskey will definitely make you feel awesome in the short term but the morning after will be harsh. Not only will you not feel better about your place in the world, but you will also most likely feel worse!
It is important that, if you are going through a breakup and really struggling, you let yourself feel the pain. Yes, pain is uncomfortable and even scary, but it is important that you let it in, feel it, and let it go. If you stuff it down it will just get stuck in your body and you will spend the rest of your life drinking whiskey and chasing women who aren’t good for you, always angry at the one who let you go.
I know that the prospect seems scary but, truly, feeling the pain of a broken heart, while it feels horrible, is no worse than the pain of a damaged limb, and, with treatment, you will get past it. How many times have you hurt your body over the years? Do you still have pain? I am guessing not.
So, for guys going through a breakup, know that the pain might be uncomfortable but know that, if you feel it instead of bury it, it will pass.
Want to know more about what guys going through a breakup should do? Read 5 Things You Need To Do IMMEDIATELY After a Breakup
2. Be decisive.
So, you have just broken up with your person or they have broken up with you. How are you feeling? Alone? Scared for the future? Bored? Horny?
If you are feeling any of those things, do not reach out to your ex. Period.
What often happens after a break up is that one or both of the partners start to feel lonely. They have been in a relationship and enjoyed having someone to play with and the break up creates a void in which you are alone. What also happens is that we are left with more time on our hands and we get bored. Or, if we go long enough without, we might get horny and seek out a willing, and vetted, partner.
And, when you follow your instinct on any of those things and reach out to your ex unless you TRULY want to reunite with them, you will just create more of a mess than already exists. Instead of the clean break that you had, you will get on this cycle of more talks and recriminations and pain.