I know it’s hard and that you REALLY don’t feel like doing it but now is the time to work to do so. Facetime with friends, read books, get into shape, learn something new, watch rom-coms with your mom, whatever you can do to keep yourself busy and not bored.
Honestly, you might not be grieving the loss of your ex as much as you think you are, and keeping yourself busy might prove that!
4. You believed you were soulmates.
Do you believe that the relationship that you shared with your person is like none other? That the intense passion and connection that you shared can not compare with anyone else’s relationship and that letting it go is such a waste?
Let me tell you, EVERYONE feels that way about their relationship, especially toxic relationships because they are so passionate and emotional. I hate to burst your bubble but, while the love you have for this person might be strong, it’s not the ultimate love in the world, and letting go of it will not be the end of love for you.
I mean, how can someone who hurts you over and over be your soulmate? Really, how can they?
If you can accept that this person who abused you is not your soulmate (even if it felt that way in the beginning) then you are WAY more likely to find a connection that is real and wonderful and magical.
5. You have to let go of dreams for the future.
I have a client who was abused one time too many and made the decision to finally walk away. For her, she saw her family die at that moment. She saw that the dreams she had of an intact family and grandchildren coming home and growing old with someone had been dashed, maybe forever. And she believed she might be alone forever, that she would never love, or beloved, again.
One of the reasons you are still experiencing grief is because you are grieving the loss of those dreams for the future and that your new future is scary and murky.
What I can tell you, as someone who has survived an abusive relationship, is that leaving this situation is the only way that your dreams for the future will come true. You will find love and happiness again. I promise!
Grieving the end of your toxic relationship is not only totally normal but it could be the best thing that could be happening to you right now.
Why? Because it means that you are moving forward.
Letting go of an abusive relationship comes in stages – much like death. Right now, you are grieving. And grieving is one of the 7 steps of getting past loss. The other are shock, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, and acceptance/hope. I am betting that you are through some of those as well.
But I promise you that this grieving the end of your toxic relationship will pass. You will come to accept that the past is the past and look towards the future, a future filled with happiness and love.
Written By: Mitzi Bockmann Originally Appeared In: Let Your Dreams Begin