Five Times When You Should Get Back With Your Ex
So you’ve read through all five points of why you shouldn’t get back with your ex, and you genuinely feel like none of them apply to you?See if you can confirm your beliefs about your compatibility and make note of whether or not the following five steps resonate with you.
1. When you learn from your time apart
If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.
If you enter into a repeat relationship with your ex and there’s no difference in the behavior of either of you, then you’re doomed.
On the other hand, if you both genuinely learned about your communication styles, triggers, and emotional patterns in your time apart, then you might be much better set up for a healthier round two.
2. When you are both willing to put in the work to do things differently
Did you always fight fair when you dated your ex? Did you voice your needs when they came up or did you bury them?
Whatever the old pattern or behaviour that you’re trying to correct, it takes intentionally from both sides to make a relationship run smoothly.
Are you “kind of hoping” that things will work out better this time around, or are you being purposeful about how you show up in your relationship?
3. Your life wasn’t going well and they were the easiest thing to push away
If your life wasn’t going well, and they were just an easy thing to push away, you may have made a rash decision.
If you realized this mistake after it happened and you communicated to your ex what you did, then you may have a shot at a second chance with them.
Trust builds slowly, but can be damaged quickly. Don’t expect your ex to welcome you instantly with open arms.
It will take some time for them to fully trust you again, but if you know that they’re the one for you then it will be worth it to sacrifice your ego for the greater good.
4. Your collective life goals have grown even more similar in your time apart
Did you break up because you were incompatible in things important to you?
You wanted children and they didn’t? You wanted to live in the city and they wanted to live in the suburbs?
Well, what happens if those things change with time?
If you and your ex broke up years ago, it’s completely possible that both of your long-term goals and ambitions have shifted.
If you got along well, you were deeply in love, and your once incompatible differences are now aligned, then by all means, give the relationship another shot.
5. You feared the depth of your connection and you ran away
Maybe when you and your ex were dating you felt such an overwhelming feeling of love for them that it was too much for you to take in.
This kind of behaviour is especially common for people with commitment issues, rejection sensitivity, or old abandonment wounds that were never fully healed.
But really, a deep feeling of love can cause anyone a feeling of anxiety (regardless of past emotional trauma or relationship hangups).
If you pushed your partner away from a place of fear or anxiety, you may still be just as compatible as a couple as you ever were.
As with point #3, you’ll have to communicate to them what you realized you did, and see if you can earn their trust back over time.
Are You Being Honest With Yourself?
Have you ever known a couple (or been a part of a couple) that broke up and got back together repeatedly for months, or even years?
Generally this is a sign that the people can’t accept fate. They are grasping for straws. They are holding on to a projection of what they had hoped the relationship could be but, in reality, never was.
While researching my newest book, I interviewed dozens of highly successful long-term marriages, and every single one of them said that their relationship trajectory was “easy”.
It wasn’t tumultuous and filled with half a dozen breakups. Their path to marriage was fairly straightforward and simple.
Does this mean that a couple can’t bounce back from a breakup or two?
You absolutely can have a successful relationship after a rocky start.
But it takes two self-aware and intentional people to make it work.
So be honest about why you’re getting back together.
See the relationship for what it is, not for what it could be.
If you’re going to date someone, date someone as they are, don’t date their potential.
Related Video: 6 Things That Love Isn’t and 5 Things Love Is
Written by Jordan Gray
Originally appeared in The Good Men Project