Our weirdmate will see the essence of what makes us, ‘us’. And they fucking dig it. They don’t have to think about it or waver on it. They just see us and scream “YES!” This person is fucking weird in the best way possible and I want more of whatever the hell they’re smoking in my life. I don’t care where they are going, but I’m going to strip down naked and run through the sprinklers of life with this person because wherever we end up going, I know we’re going to have a whole lot of fun along the way.
Forget trying to find that one perfect person. Instead, just find someone who provides you with a safe space to be your weirdest self and the full shape of who you really are. Better yet, find someone who literally pulls, yanks, and claws that weirdness out of you on a regular basis.
Growing up, my mom’s romantic advice was always one thing: find someone you can laugh with.
What she really meant, even if she didn’t realize it, was find a ‘weirdmate’. Which has now become my whole philosophy of intimacy?
Life is too short to be lived with a stick up our ass. And love is too rare to be lived by two people who both have sticks up their asses.
Get it? Find someone who removes the stick from your ass.
Fuck it, you and your weirdmate can bend each other over and take turns removing the sticks from each other’s asses. Then you can run off into the moonlight waving those sticks you just removed from each other’s asses as magical nature wands in celebration of unplugging each other’s assholes and claiming your weirdest selves.
Don’t be one of those couples who are too proper. Afraid to say the wrong thing. Afraid to draw attention to themselves. The couples who are sitting across from each other in near silence, both reading, texting or barely being able to mumble conversation that extends beyond the doldrums of today’s monotonous events and the goddamn weather forecast.
Find someone who makes you laugh so hard you fart accidentally. Snort. Giggle. And shit yourself with excitement.
Find someone who makes you want to have had a dance party with just the two of you.
Find someone who you can criticize and judge other people with while you people watch.
Find someone who you can banter with and make inappropriate jokes with.
Find someone who makes you feel like you’re on a 24/7 sugar high.
Find someone who likes to play the music too loud and sings every note off key and owns it.
Find a counterpart to your weirdness.
You see: our capacity for intimacy stems from our ability to harness our own personal “weirdness” and own its space in the world.
And a couple’s capacity for intimacy as a unit stems from the dual ability for both people within the relationship to harness their own weirdness, while also being able to accept their partner’s weirdness, free of judgment.
Someone’s inability to connect with others stems from their inability to connect with themselves. So, until you own your own personal brand of weird and free its majestic fuckery into the world, you will not be able to connect with someone else’s brand of weird and find your weird mate.
This relational framework for ‘weirdness’ creates an arena for trust, expression, and acceptance. It sets the table for both people within the relationship to feel more comfortable expressing themselves to their partner and being vulnerable, as the weird-ass framework for intimacy has created reassurance that their needs and desires will be met by their partners with open arms, free of criticism.
Someone who owns their weirdness in the world and confidently lets their weird flag fly high is someone who is better prepared for intimacy, for a variety of reasons.
For starters, someone who has harnessed and set their weirdness free is someone who has truly explored themselves, figuring out who they are, and has the confidence and swagger releasing themselves into the world, no facades, just the weird fucking truth of who they are.
This, not only leads to better partner selection on their part, but it also attracts more people authentically aligned to them. For the reason that their truest self is on display. This true expression of character can act as a polarizing filter, weeding out the wrong people who don’t dig the weird shit they bring to the table while aligning them to others who eat the weird shit they bring to the table for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
For these types of people, satisfying, intimate relationships are far closer and more attainable than people who live with their weirdness in a cage.
I’m telling you…build a relationship from the weird ground up. When you find someone who digs your weird and you dig theirs. You have a direct highway to hilarious, amazing, and satisfying intimacy.