For The First Time In A Year

You held my hand and stroke it slowly as if you were memorizing every lines on it and when our hands intertwined, it felt like my jigsaw puzzle had finally found its missing piece. For the passed year, no man dares to touch my hand for I simply do not go with anybody cause I don’t want to; I don’t usually allow anyone to hold my hand and you’ve got to understand that when you hold my hand that means  I am allowing you to hold the most precious thing in me— my heart; it means I am letting you in. It was the first after a year. And oh dear, it made me feel that I am alive.For the passed year, I have been living half-alive. Been sleeping and getting up, trying to survive the days. For the first time in a year, there is someone who is willing to listen thoughtfully to all my angst and genuinely look at me—behind those thick glasses as if he was stirring down my soul. For the first time in a year, I felt comfortable by just simply sitting beside someone; walking under the starry starry night; holding hands; feeling the cold breeze of the air of ber season playing with my hair back and fourth; while feeling adamant from everything, for that night was ours. There were a lot of thoughts I didn’t voice out. I was at chaos; the demons inside me were at war then you gave me a back hug and everything was so peaceful, so calming. You told me about your past as I did the same. I know you’re scared to fall again. What’s your weight? I’d like to catch you. I promise to be there to catch you if you fall. But can I ask you a question? Will you also be there to catch me as I fall? For the first time in a year, I am willing to break down the walls that I built long time ago; I am willing to cross the line of friendship that I drew between the two of us; willing to jump onto the walls that you’ve created; willing to ignore the boundaries. I am willing to hold your hand and never dare to let it go. Won’t you come and take a chance with me? Maybe, just maybe we could work things out.

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