How I Tried To Fix The Narcissist And It Almost Killed Me

i tried to fix the narcissist

Let me explain. Your life is generating from you inside of you. You are always choosing more of you and generating more of you even though often, especially before Thriver healing, it’s deeply unconscious that this is what’s happening.

So whenever you’re trying to fix somebody else in order for you to feel better and be loved and feel safe, this equals how to lose, because really on the inside you are feeling unloved, unsafe, and distressed. Therefore any attempt you try to make to change somebody else out there when you’re like this in here is not going to grant you an improvement of what is really going on inside of you. In fact, it will only bring you an amplification of what is going on inside of you.

When battling the narcissist, I had no idea that that was going on until I turned inwards, healed on the inside, and understood how to be my own Source and then generate more of that. I promise you, that you can get to this level too.

A battle with a narcissist is a spiritual war of the highest order. It’s a psychological war, it’s an emotional war. It’s a war for your Soul and spirit. If you feel empty and broken and not whole, the narcissist will smash all of these parts of you up to the surface. The narcissist is not the healer of these wounds, they are the messenger of them by continuing to smash them.

Related: 4 Ways You Can Heal Trauma Bond After a Narcissistic Relationship

Your Goal Is To Be Your True Self

Now, let’s jump forward to your goal in all of this. It’s for you to be the Source to yourself by generating what you want so that you can be you and live your life, regardless of what other people are or aren’t being or choosing. That’s freedom, that’s power, that’s your True Self.

Of course, there’s a lot more work to do – inner work on a lot of this stuff and everything that’s around it – such as the fears of leaving, how you’re going to survive on your own, all of those attachments, obsessions, and addictions you feel towards the narcissist. You’ve got a lot of healing to do on that. That’s what the deep inner Thriver work is all about.

Can you see how it’s your goal to be your True Self, regardless of what other people are being or choosing, or doing?

Here is another powerful truth. It’s not your right to change anybody, and it’s certainly not loving, because really what you’re saying is, “I am not loving you enough to allow you to be yourself. I need you to be what I need to feel loved, safe, and happy.” That’s not loving, it’s controlling.

I want you to imagine that you meet somebody who is a non-narcissist, and you’re really active and social, and this person never wants to do anything, they’re unmotivated and aren’t hard-working. You’re a really active, conscientious person and they sit on the couch, watch movies, and eat junk food all day, but they may be a beautiful Soul …

You trying to change them and get them off the couch to make you happy is not loving. Them trying to stop you from going out the door and getting you on the couch with them watching TV is not loving. You’re not a match for each other’s values and truths.

Kindness, honesty, integrity, the ability to work on solutions, and teamwork are your values and truth. Narcissists don’t want those things, stop trying to change them. Let them go and align with and choose people that are your truth.

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Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans is a global narcissistic abuse recovery expert and the creator of the Quanta Freedom Healing method and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP). Melanie’s leading-edge healing methods have helped thousands of people make astounding full recoveries from toxic relationship abuse. Her work has now touched the lives of over 15 million people from more than 100 countries worldwide and her abuse recovery system is recommended by doctors, psychologists, therapists, and renowned relationship experts from all over the world. Melanie’s work is revolutionizing the old Model of Survivor Recovery to one of Thriver status. The free content Melanie offers on abuse recovery reaches close to 7 million people monthly on her website and across her numerous social media platforms and her reach continues to grow exponentially. In 2018, Melanie released her first book, You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse - The #1 System for Recovering from Toxic Relationships which became an Amazon bestseller in days, and is now being translated into multiple languages. Free 16 Day Recovery Course – A Roadmap To Getting Clarity, Relief and Your Life Back On TrackView Author posts