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How I Tried To Fix The Narcissist And It Almost Killed Me

i tried to fix the narcissist

Like so many of us, I suffered the unthinkable. The insults, name-calling, extreme jealousies, violent behaviors, pathological lies, and even criminal behavior against me and others. And I stayed. I was lecturing, I was prescribing. I was trying to fix him and teach him and direct him toward having a conscience, changing his ways, trying to develop his character into humanity and integrity.

I want you to ask yourself, have you been doing this? Have you caught yourself going over and over fundamental points of decency that a five-year-old should naturally understand?

Whilst I did that with him, I was attacked mercilessly, just as you’ve been. Whilst I was trying to get him to see the error of his ways I experienced the twists, the turns, the snarling defenses, the low blows, the attacks, the shocking accusations, and insults came thick and fast.

Then there was the stonewalling, the silent treatments, the abandonment episodes, where he would leave and be non-contactable for hours on end, or even longer.

He would do things that were so out of bounds, it made my head spin, and I was thinking, how does he think he can treat me like this and get away with it and think I’m going to stay with him? Yet I did. I always did.

He even set me up and called the police on me. He hit me. He stole money out of my accounts. He twisted people and authorities against me horrifically, and it was so bad I ended up suicidal. I lost my mind and I became so sick that I almost lost my life.

I was fighting a battle that I was never going to win, and experience after experience showed me that. Yet, for some reason, which we’re going to talk about in a moment, I couldn’t at the time stop myself from doing it.

fix a narcissist
How I Tried To Fix The Narcissist And It Almost Killed Me

Why We Try To Fix Others And Why It Doesn’t Work

When we’re stuck in the construct of, “It’s my duty to fix this person”, we’re not seeing the truth. And this was the real truth – I believed I needed him to be the version of him I wanted for me to have a happy, fulfilling, loving, and functional life.

I promise you that it’s the same for all of us. You have made the narcissist in your life – that you’re trying to fix – the source of yourself and this means you are handing all of your power away.

Now, I want you to say this statement with me, let’s say this following statement together because it’s going to help you understand what I’m telling you.

Here’s the statement, “When I try to make you kind, caring, truthful and loving so that I can be safe, I’ve handed all of my power to you.”

Now, I just want you to stop and I want you to feel that statement in your body. Do you feel out of your body? Do you feel like you’ve handed your power away? Do you feel like you’re not anchored in your body taking back your power and truth and able to generate it for real?

If I was to say to you, “Mary or John, my day is rubbish until you change what you’re doing to me.” Then my entire emotional life lies in your hands. I have no control over it.

So what I want you to do, I want you to really just grasp this last bit that we went over, and I want you to write in the comments below how that statement felt in your body.

Now let me share with you the real Quantum reason why trying to fix somebody will never work. In fact, it only brings more distress, abuse, and devastation. This relates to the baseline Quantum Law that I talk about all the time – so within, so without.

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Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans is a global narcissistic abuse recovery expert and the creator of the Quanta Freedom Healing method and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP). Melanie’s leading-edge healing methods have helped thousands of people make astounding full recoveries from toxic relationship abuse. Her work has now touched the lives of over 15 million people from more than 100 countries worldwide and her abuse recovery system is recommended by doctors, psychologists, therapists, and renowned relationship experts from all over the world. Melanie’s work is revolutionizing the old Model of Survivor Recovery to one of Thriver status. The free content Melanie offers on abuse recovery reaches close to 7 million people monthly on her website and across her numerous social media platforms and her reach continues to grow exponentially. In 2018, Melanie released her first book, You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse - The #1 System for Recovering from Toxic Relationships which became an Amazon bestseller in days, and is now being translated into multiple languages. Free 16 Day Recovery Course – A Roadmap To Getting Clarity, Relief and Your Life Back On TrackView Author posts