5 Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head

Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Head

5. The false self and the true self.

5 Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head
Narcissist Manipulation Tactics

The narcissist hides behind the armor of a “false self,” a construct of qualities and traits that he or she usually presents to the outside world. Due to this armor, you are unlikely to comprehend the full extent of a narcissist’s inhumanity and lack of empathy until you are in the discard phase.

This can make it difficult to pinpoint who the narcissistic abuser truly is – the sweet, charming, and the seemingly remorseful person that appears shortly after the abuse, or the abusive partner who ridicules, invalidates, and belittles you on a daily basis?

You suffer a great deal of cognitive dissonance trying to reconcile the illusion the narcissist first presented to you with the tormenting behaviors he or she subjects you to.

In order to cope with this cognitive dissonance, you might blame yourself for his or her abusive behavior and attempt to “improve” yourself when you have done nothing wrong, just to uphold your belief in the narcissist’s false self during the devaluation phase.

Related: The False Self vs The Real Self by Teal Scott Swan

During the discard phase, the narcissist reveals the true self – the genuinely abusive and abrasive personality beneath the shallow veneer rears its ugly head and you get a glimpse of the cruelty that was lurking within all along.

You bear witness to his or her cold, callous indifference as you are discarded. You might think this is only a momentary lapse into inhumanity, but actually, it is as close you will ever get to seeing the narcissist’s true self.

The manipulative, conniving charm that existed, in the beginning, is no more – instead, it is replaced by the genuine contempt that the narcissist felt for you all along. See, narcissists don’t truly feel empathy or love for others – so during the discard phase, they feel absolutely nothing for you except the excitement of having exhausted another source of supply.

You were just another source of supply, so do not fool yourself into thinking that the magical connection that existed, in the beginning, was in any way real. It was an illusion, much like the identity of the narcissist was an illusion.

These are five powerful ways narcissists get inside your head. It is time to pick up the pieces, go No Contact, heal, and move forward. You were not only a victim of narcissistic abuse but a survivor.

Owning this dual status as both victim and survivor permits you to own your agency after the abuse and to live the life you were meant to lead – one filled with self-care, self-love, respect, and compassion.

This is a copyrighted excerpt from the book, Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself and first appeared on Self-Care Haven. It has been reprinted with the permission of the author by TheMindsJournal.

5 Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head
5 Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head

Interested in learning more about narcissistic abuse? Pre-order my new book on narcissistic abuse, Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself.

Copyright © 2015, 2016 by Shahida Arabi.  All rights reserved, including translation rights. No part of this entry, which is an excerpt from a copyrighted book, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author.

Five Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head
5 Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head
Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head pin
Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Head
5 Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head
Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Head pin
5 Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head
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Selfcarehaven

Shahida Arabi is a graduate of Columbia University graduate school and the author of The Smart Girl's Guide to Self-Care, a bestselling Kindle book also available in print. She is also the author of Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself, which became a #1 Amazon Bestseller upon its pre-order release. She studied Psychology and English Literature as an undergraduate at NYU, where she graduated summa cum laude. Her interests include psychology, sociology, education, gender studies, and mental health advocacy. You can check out her new blog, Self-Care Haven, for topics related to mindfulness, mental health, narcissistic abuse and recovery from emotional trauma, like her page on Facebook, and subscribe to her YouTube Channel.View Author posts