The Absolute Narcissist’s Playbook: 60+ Tricks For Pretending They Win

Narcissists Playbook Tricks Pretending You Win

13. “Why can’t we get along by you compromising to me?” Pacifizing. Pretending that because you want a compromise from others you’re a crusader for compromise.

14. “You’re being disrespectful so you’re wrong.” Killing the messenger. Disqualifying challenges to your authority because they weren’t delivered by the exacting standards you hold only for others, not yourself.

15. “You used an ad hominem argument therefore you’re wrong.” Ad hominizing. Citing the most basic logical fallacy as a way to claim authority. An ad hominem argument or personal attack doesn’t prove the attacker right. Neither does it prove them wrong. Ironically, you can accuse a personal attacker of being automatically wrong for using a personal attack.

16. “Hey, my intentions are pure. Don’t they count for everything?” Virtual virtue. Doing a quick and gingerly investigation of your motives, declaring them pure, and acting like your self-report is the last word.

17. “If there’s one thing I know, it’s when people are wrong.” Talkiswalkism. Assuming that people owe you credibility when you flatter yourself, for example, thinking people should believe you when you declare yourself the arbiter of truth.

18. “I don’t mean to be critical but you’re an idiot.” False-caveating. A variation of virtual virtue and talkiswalkism. Pretending that because you say you’re not doing something you’re not doing it.

19. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Meanly-mouthing. Pretending your self-reported intentions should automatically put others at ease. None of us really know all we mean to do. And while we might not mean to do something, we’re often happy to do it as a side effect of something we mean to do. For example, “Yes I had an affair but I wasn’t deliberately trying to hurt you. Hurting you was just a side effect of me trying to score.”

Related: The Narcissistic Dictionary: Terms That Describe Narcissistic Behaviors

20. “Moi? How dare you compare me to them!” Exceptionalizing. Pretending that it’s outrageous that anyone would consider you as a member of the same species as some human you don’t like.

21. “Me, not listen? I’m the best listener!” Robo-denial. Automatically refuting an accusation by claiming you have the most virtue.

22. “Whatever. But answer me this.” Playing interrogator. Filling the air with challenges and questions. Taking control of the conversation by flooding it with your demands.

23. “Don’t even think of challenging me until you’ve learned everything I have.” Schooling. Declaring challengers disqualified unless they study everything that affirms your position.

24. “I’m right because many people agree with me.” Massifying. Pretending selectively that popular opinion decides truth.

25. “I’m right because I’m like Jesus or Einstein and the masses are fools who just don’t understand.” Self-martyring. Pretending that because you have an outlying position, you must be right.

26. “I’m honest so I speak the truth!” Truth-gutting. Confusing honesty with truth, conveniently forgetting that plenty of people honestly believe falsehoods.

27. “I’m right because someone ancient agreed with me.” Toga-cred. Pretending that old means true.

28. “I’m right because someone famous for something entirely different said it.” Over-generalized status-cred. Pretending that if someone was right about one thing, they’re the last word on everything.

Related: 5 Projection Techniques Narcissists Use To Attack Others

29. “I’m right because the truth was revealed to me or someone from a supernatural source.” Revelation. Pretending you have special access to the last-word truth channeled directly to you that trumps the scientific method’s trial and error process.

30. “Moi? How dare you say I have that trait?! I hate that trait.” Exempt by contempt. Pretending that hating a behavior when others do it to you proves that you don’t do it to others.

31. “Yeah, but this insight really moved me so it’s the last word.” Meming. Being wooed by an insight so appealing you don’t think there’s any need for any other insights ever again. 

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