How To Deal With Feeling Unwanted, Abandoned and Unloved

 / 

, ,
Deal With Feeling Unwanted Abandoned Unloved

Are you feeling unwanted and unloved? Unable to cope up with the feeling of abandoned?

You feel a sense of anger and deep pain rippling through you. How could they leave you so brutally, and without a second thought?

How could they take your love and trust, and throw it to the wind as if it didnโ€™t even matter โ€“ as if YOU didnโ€™t matter?

If youโ€™ve experienced abandonment in your life before you will know how far the wounds of being โ€œsecond bestโ€ or โ€œnot worth itโ€ run within you. You will be very aware of how feeling unwanted has changed the person you are and the way you interact with others.

Related: The Real Cause of Inner Emptiness and What To Do About It

One thing Iโ€™ve learned on my path is that abandonment takes many different shapes and forms. Feeling unwanted and unloved can manifest itself physically, emotionally, psychologically, and even spiritually. But the one thing that all of these different facets of being neglected have in common is the big gaping hole they leave in our lives.

Today I want to explore that void within you.

โ€œI AM NOT WORTH ITโ€ MIGHT BE YOUR CORE WOUND

When we experience a severe form of abandonment or neglect, particularly at a young age, the shock from that experience tends to stay with us for the rest of our lives. But these shocking experiences continue to dwell within us only if we fail to explore them. These experiences when left unexamined for too long become our core wounds or the deepest fundamental beliefs that we have about ourselves on an unconscious level.

Related: Existential Depression, Sensitivity and Soul Loss

As Sol wrote in his article โ€œHow to Discover Your Deepest, Darkest Core Woundโ€:

Our core wounds are our deepest seated pains in life. They are our oldest and most miserable friends. For most of us, these core wounds within us are ruled by the following two mistaken beliefs:

โ€œI am flawed and therefore a bad person.โ€

โ€œI must change or fix something about myself in order to be acceptable.โ€

Other common core wounds that arise as a product of feeling unwanted include, โ€œI am not worth it,โ€ โ€œI am unlovable,โ€ and โ€œI am irreparably broken.โ€

4 WAYS TO DEAL WITH FEELING UNWANTED AND UNLOVED

We have found ourselves in a period of time that I like to call the Individualist Era. As our ability to communicate empathetically and meaningfully with others breaks down as a result of our โ€œME FIRST!โ€ corporate and materialist culture, we find that our families, friendships, and relationships are as unstable as ever. Therefore, more and more of us are experiencing the isolation of being abandoned, cheated, and forgotten and feeling unwanted.

What can we do to explore and heal these core wounds? How can we tear down the brick walls that shelter the tattered remnants of our hearts? And finally, how can we become stronger, more whole people again?

Like you, I have experienced abandonment in many different shapes and forms. Like you, I have suffered terribly as a result of it. But today I want to provide you with something proactive, something that will empower you to take your life in your own hands again.

This is what I have personally learned about facing the pain of feeling unwanted:

1. MOST PEOPLE DONโ€™T WANT THEMSELVES.

In other words, most people donโ€™t LIKE, respect, or even value themselves. There is a huge self-love deficit in our society which is reflected in every layer of our lives. As a result, those of us who struggle with loving ourselves tend to sabotage our relationships with others. How can a person who doesnโ€™t know how to love themselves show love towards others? It doesnโ€™t happen. Understanding this can help you to better empathize with others, or at the very least, comprehend why they behave the way they do.

Related: 12 Tips To Self-Love And Compassion

If you are feeling unwanted, watch this video to know the secret to being enough:

2. YOU ARE A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCE, BUT YOU DONโ€™T HAVE TO PITY YOURSELF.

I discovered this the hard way: the more you victimize yourself and romanticize your pain, the more you will stay stuck in cycles of misery and resentment. Itโ€™s tempting to use our stories of abandonment and mistreatment to make us secretly feel righteous and special, but the truth is that this does more harm than good. Mourning what we lost is a natural part of the grief cycle, but constantly revisiting and dwelling on our stories is unhealthy and even self-destructive. Iโ€™ve found that accepting what happened is vital to the process of inner growth and transformation, WITHOUT self-pity.

Related: 11 Things People With Anxiety Want You To Know

3. EVERYONE HAS A DIFFERENT SOULFUL CAPACITY.

Just as everything in life goes through various stages of maturation, so too does the soul. Why is it that some people are born with old souls, and others remain young at heart until death? I believe the answer lies in something I call soulful maturity. I explore this concept more in-depth in my book. Soulful maturity determines how much capacity we have for forethought, compassion, empathy, and unconditional love โ€“ and these factors all have an impact on the way we treat others. For example, some people are naturally pack-orientated and blinded by fear of the โ€œother,โ€ while other groups of people are open, accepting, and peace-making.

So what does any of this have to do with feeling unwanted and abandoned? Well, the point is that some people just donโ€™t have the capacity to be genuinely kind, considerate and faithful โ€“ at least for now. They havenโ€™t reached that point in their soulful maturing yet. Thus their behavior can come across as insensitive, reckless, and even cruel.

Understanding that everyone has a different soulful capacity has helped me to personally become a more lenient and forgiving person.

4. IT IS POSSIBLE TO FILL THAT EMPTY HOLE YOURSELF.

It sounds crazy, right? How can we fill the empty holes within ourselves? Donโ€™t we need other people by default to do that for us? No, we donโ€™t. As children we did, but as adults, we donโ€™t. Unfortunately, many of us still carry the unconscious belief that we need to find another person to help us become whole and complete. But have you ever questioned the validity or truth in this belief? Donโ€™t get me wrong, other people can provide you with immense support and assistance, but they can never authentically fill that void within you. Only you can.

Related: How Children Of Obsessed Parents End Up Feeling Lost and Empty

But how? One of the best ways I have learned to do this (particularly if you were abandoned as a child emotionally, mentally or physically), is by learning how to re-parent your inner child. I explore how to do that in this article. However, if you are dealing with the pain of feeling unloved as an adult (perhaps as a result of divorce or breakup), self-love is the ultimate way to overcome this trauma. I explore how to love yourself in this article.

FINAL THOUGHTS โ€ฆ

Learning how to love yourself is hard โ€“ so is learning how to re-parent your inner child โ€“ however, they are both vital tools that will help you to become vulnerable again, and therefore receptive to giving and receiving love.

What is your opinion on the advice given in this article? Have you managed to deal with your feelings of being unwanted, and if so, how?


Written by Aletheia Luna
Article originally appeared on LonerWolf

— Share —

— About the Author —

Responses

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Focus Like A Monk: What Is Monk Mode And 10 Ways It Can Help You Succeed In Lifeย 

What is Monk Mode and How Can It Transform Your Life?

Do you find it hard to focus on a task? Do you get easily distracted? Not sure how to enter a flow state and do your best? If you are looking for ways to focus amidst the chaos and find some inner peace, then let me introduce you to the fascinating concept of “Monk Mode.” What is monk mode, you ask?

If you have been on social media lately, you must have heard about monk mode, a concept that has been gaining a lot of attention on TikTok. Based on the mindset and lifestyle of disciplined monks, this process allows us to reach our peak productivity.

So let us delve into the depths of monk mode, explore the myriad monk mode benefits, and provide practical tips on how to get into monk mode to transform your life.

What is M



Up Next

14 Benefits Of Visualization And How To Harness It’s Power

Benefits Of Visualization And How To Harness It's Power

The power of visualization is not something that a lot of people might know about. However, once you know how to harness it’s power, you will see that the benefits of visualization can be endless. Explore the power of creative visualization and it’s benefits.

โ€œThe man who has no imagination has no wings.โ€ โ€”Mohammad Ali

Youโ€™re probably familiar with the old saying, โ€œSeeing is believing.โ€ Well, itโ€™s this adageโ€™s simple concept thatโ€™s at the core of a powerful form of mental exercise called visualization. This practice isnโ€™t just for casual daydreamers, though.



Up Next

How To Be Less Nervous And More Confident? 15 Sentences To Change Your Mindset

How To Be Less Nervous And More Confident? Cool Ways

Feeling anxious and wondering how to be less nervous? Well, you’re not aloneโ€”everyone gets jittery from time to time.

But here’s the thing: nerves are just a part of being human, and there’s nothing to worry about. In fact, let me share 15 sentences that might just help if you’re thinking about how to make yourself less nervous.

You’re NOT feeling fear โ€“ it’s excitement. The tingling sensation that runs down your spine is your bodyโ€™s way of telling you to get ready for what’s coming next. Instead of being scared, try and think about how thrilling this journey will be.



Up Next

8 Formidable Habits Of Stress-Resistant Minds

Habits Of Stress-Resistant Minds: Great Signs Of Resilience

We all know life can really test us sometimes, and it feels like a never-ending roller-coaster ride that’s all about deadlines, bills, responsibilities and unexpected curveballs. It’s easy to give into the stress of it all and lose our s***, but that doesn’t help, does it? Today we are going to talk about a few habits of stress-resistant minds and how you can be one of them.

Becoming the Zen master of your own mind is sometimes easier said than done, however, having a calm mind is one of the most underrated superpowers there is. People with stress resistant minds know that high levels of anxiety and reactivity will not help them deal with tricky situations.

Trying to build a resilient mindset is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your mental peace. So, are you ready to know the habits of stress-resistant minds? Let’s get started.



Up Next

Mastering The Art Of Influence: How The Power Of Suggestion Can Shape Your Reality

How to use the power of suggestion: Tips

Have you ever experienced a situation where the power of suggestion influenced your thoughts, decisions, or actions? 

Perhaps a friend recommended a book, and you found yourself engrossed in its pages. Or maybe you were persuaded to try a new restaurant and ended up discovering your new favorite cuisine. These instances demonstrate how a simple suggestion can shape our perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors in ways we may not even realize. 

Letโ€™s explore what is the power of suggestion, how it can impact our lives and how to use the power of suggestion. So, fasten your seatbelts as we embark on a journey to uncover the hidden potential within us all.

What is The Power of Suggestion?



Up Next

4 Zodiac Signs With Tunnel Vision: Are You Narrowing Your Focus?

Zodiac Signs With Tunnel Vision (Narrow Focus)

Feeling stuck and can’t seem to change? Here are 4 zodiac signs with tunnel vision. They get so focused on one idea or task that they forget about everything else.

Focusing is like looking through a tube, everything else around us gets blurry. It happens to our eyes and cameras too, this phenomenon is known as “tunnel vision“. Some people do this more than others when it comes to thoughts.

These four signs are like that. They’re so set in their ways that they can’t see other possibilities. So, without ado let’s take a look at the zodiac signs that suffer from tunnel vision and how they can overcome it.



Up Next

Trust And Commitment: Why Every Happy Relationship Needs It

Trust And Commitment In A Relationship: Important Things

A thriving relationship is built on trust and commitment. Let’s delve into the elements that are vital for happiness and security in your love life.

Believe me when I say, a happy relationship is IMPOSSIBLE without trust and commitment. Donโ€™t believe me? Keep reading.

Love is like Legos. In each passing moment, we are either building a wall between ourselves and our lover or a bridge into each otherโ€™s hearts.

Each Lego is an interaction between romantic partners. The deciding factor of whether we open or protect our hearts is the quality of trust.

โ€œWithout trust, there can be no meaningful connection.โ€ โ€“ Brene Brown