We could no longer be ‘rejected’- for the value of our existence does not depend on the opinions of others.
We could no longer be engulfed or trapped- we can say no, set limits, and walk away.
As a resilient adult, we could cradle the two-month-old inside of us that was terrified of being dropped; We learn to stay inside of our bodies even in fear without dissociating; and we could stay in relationships with others even in the midst of uncertainty, without running away into avoidance and defenses.
Rather than getting stuck in a search for the ‘missing piece,’ we come to recognize ourselves as a whole and integrated being.
The trauma of being dropped and left alone has passed, and we are given the opportunity for a new life.
We are now strong enough, vast enough, and resilient to surf the wave of human life.
“The sun loved me again when it saw that the stars would not abandon me.”
– Jenim Debie
If you identify with some of the above, I hope this piece serves as a source of hope. We are all a work in progress, and none of us has the perfect attachment, perfect history, or perfect relationship. It is never too late for insights and change.
As I Began To Love Myself
As I began to love myself, I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it RESPECT.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it MATURITY.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.
As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it SIMPLICITY.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is the LOVE OF ONESELF.
As I began to love myself I quit trying always to be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is MODESTY.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS LIFE!
Written by Imi Lo
Originally appeared on EGGSHELL THERAPY AND COACHING
FOR THE EMOTIONALLY INTENSE
For more, please visit eggshelltherapy.com
If you are someone who suffers from the fear of abandonment and object constancy, then don’t be too hard on yourself. You need to have faith in people, especially those people, who genuinely love you and care for you. Yes, letting go of this fear is not that easy, but if you take one day at a time, you will be able to overcome this.
If you want to know more the fear of abandonment and object constancy, then check out this video below: