3 Subconscious Reasons You Might Fear Intimacy in Relationships

Subconscious Reasons Might Fear Intimacy Relationships

Although it terrifies the ego, being intimate in relationships is a beautiful process that allows you and your partner to see the truth of who you are. Given that they don’t project their ego on you – this is not intimacy.

Want to know more about the fear of intimacy of relationships? Check this video out below!

fear intimacy in relationships

2. You don’t feel worthy of love.

During my coaching sessions, I see my clients from the perspective of their soul.

Thus my heart overflows with love and compassion because I can see who they really are. Yet most people don’t believe they’re worthy of love. Although they have beautiful souls, they don’t recognize it.

Another reason for fear of intimacy is that people don’t believe they’re loveable and they fear that others will find it out, too.

If you don’t feel that you deserve love, subconsciously you do anything in your power to push the love away. Thus you fear intimacy because you believe that if you’d allow someone to come near, they might find out that you’re not so amazing.

They might see you unlovable, too. And that would hurt you to the point that you would rather push them away before it happens.

Related: Your Biggest Intimacy Issue Based On Your Zodiac Sign

3. The fear of losing control.

The last main reason for fear of intimacy is a subconscious belief that you’ll lose control.

The ego wants to have everything under control because only that way it can run the show. Anything that seems to threaten the source of false power is considered an enemy.

In intimate relationships, there is no space for ego and control. If your bond with your partner is very close, you can immediately see right through their ego.

The same is true for them. Thus, in intimate relationships, the ego can’t survive. It loses control.

Often people believe that being independent means never letting anyone come close. They want to have everything their way, and if someone doesn’t agree with it, they leave.

However, this doesn’t lead to a happy life because no matter how much we try, we can’t control everything. And it shouldn’t be the aim either.

The fear of intimacy triggers the effort to reinforce control.

Perhaps, you’ve met people who open up a little bit, and then they freak out and shut down.

When they’re vulnerable with you, it feels like heaven for both of you. But when they shut down, they may even say hurtful words to keep you away. Without realizing it, they try to gain control over the situation and their feelings.

For a while, this makes them feel secure, but later they begin to long for an intimate connection again. And the whole cycle starts all over.

The first step to overcoming the fear of intimacy is to acknowledge that you do it and then discover why. Without understanding the deeper context, you can’t let the fear go completely. It’ll be coming back to you.

On the other hand, if your partner fears intimacy, then it’s time to have a conversation with them about their fears. Often this sparkles the change if they’re willing to bring your relationship to the next level.


Written by Sylvia Salow
Originally appeared in Sylvia Salow
fear intimacy in relationships
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Sylvia Salow

SYLVIA SALOW is a life coach, public speaker, and author. During the last 5 years, she has been working with people who are going through a life transformation which brings them on the path of their higher potential and life purpose. She also helps people to heal and understand their limiting beliefs, fears, and emotional pain. Salow also encourages others to find their true self and to express it in their unique way and connect with their inner guidance because she genuinely believes in embodied wisdom.View Author posts