Fantasy Bond: Loving The Person You Hope They’ll Become

A fantasy bond feels familiar and safer. But it’s a destructive type of relationship.

Each is looking to the other to fulfil unmet childhood needs. Both of you are unable to trust, are defensive, repeating negative patterns and behavior.

I lost myself in this process. I walked on eggshells, changed my behavior trying to fix things.

Depended my entire happiness on him, rather than finding it within. I ended up hollow and numbed.

I had to break the fantasy bond and see it for what it was.

Look to saving myself, working on me.


The biggest turning point was when I asked myself:

What if he never changes into that dream man in my head?


I had to be the one to love myself instead. And that was how I started to heal.

Learning to love myself. Building my self-esteem.

Loving me as much I wanted others to love me.

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Originally appeared on
Written by Vivian Mc Grath
Printed with permission from author

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Fantasy Bond Loving The Person You Hope They’ll Become

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Vivian McGrath
Vivian McGrath is a TV Exec Producer making documentaries for US/UK and Australian television networks. She’s a survivor of domestic violence, motivational speaker, author, and empowerment coach. She helps women who are ready to recover from abusive relationships, fall back in love with themselves and never settle for anything less than they deserve ever again. If that sounds like you then join her FREE Masterclass here:
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