4. Fake: If things are getting heated or not going your way, refuse to talk to calm it down. Truth: Try to talk even if you struggle or it’s getting heated.
Refusing to discuss a problem in your relationship is toxic. It may be really hard to talk. You might have trouble expressing yourself. You may feel too overwhelmed to speak. This is all understandable. However, you owe it to your relationship to find a way to discuss your thoughts and feelings.
I promise, you do not have to be Shakespeare, you just have to make a good faith attempt to talk. If it’s getting heated, tell your partner that you are taking a break to calm down and you’ll be back in 20 minutes to try to resume the conversation. (Oh, and you actually have to go back to talk in 20 minutes!)
5. Fake: Hold to your high standards no matter what. Truth: Be reasonable.
Partners who feel they can never get it right or the goalpost keeps moving, will at some point give up. Small attempts at closeness and connection can be easily missed if you always expect grand gestures. Notice your partner’s efforts to please you or get it right and show appreciation for it. This will create a much more positive interaction that also nurtures your relationship.
Most of us are doing the best we can in relationships. We may have learned from our families growing up how things should be. As long as you are open to learning new ways of handling communication and conflict in your relationship, you’ll likely be successful. It’s time to say goodbye to fake news and fake relationship rules.
I’m Dr. Marni Feuerman, a licensed marriage counselor practicing in Boca Raton, Florida. Please reach out to me if your relationship is struggling. Be sure to grab your free resource to kick-start your journey.
The next time you have an argument with your partner, keep in mind these fake relationship rules and make sure that you don’t resort to them to prove your point. If you want to have a truly healthy relationship, both of you need to know how to put forward your opinions without going down the toxic path.