The truth of the matter is is that our marriage had not been healthy for a long time. I was unhappy but not yet ready to give up on it. He decided to give up on it first and I was devastated – devastated at being abandoned and at the prospect of my kids being the children of divorce like I was.
What helped me most was when I stopped looking at myself as the one who had been abandoned and started looking at myself as the person who was lucky to get out of a marriage that was making me unhappy. I had been given an opportunity to have a new life and I started relishing it.
By not playing the victim I was able to view myself as a strong woman, one who could live a good and successful life, in spite of the cards that I had been dealt with, marriage wise.
4. You will take care of yourself.
For many of us, when we go through a breakup, we curl up in our beds, eat ice cream and binge-watch 1980s romance movies. And, while this can work for a while because it comforts us, in the long run, it will only make the pain of going through a break up worse.
Just yesterday, I was talking to a new client going through a breakup and she said that she was going to take the rest of the week off of work because she was sad. I suggested to her that she shouldn’t take those days off. Being at work, which she loved, would keep her busy and with people she cared about, it would give her an opportunity to not reach out to her ex because she would be occupied and it would make her feel good about herself because she wasn’t walking away from her job during this busy time. She loved that idea and off to work she went today, feeling pretty good about yourself.
So, when you are going through a breakup, I encourage you to spend a few days wallowing in your pain but then get up and start taking care of yourself. Exercise, eat well, and get some sleep. Spend time with the family and friends who love you. Do something that you love to do but that you couldn’t do when you were part of a couple. Dig yourself into your work.
Whatever you can do to make you feel better about your place in the world and not mired in sadness about the person who walked away.
5. You will keep the faith.
For many clients of mine who are going through a breakup, they believe that they will never love and be loved again. They feel so badly about themselves that they can’t see any person ever loving them and they can fathom that they could ever truly love someone the way they loved their ex.
I am here to tell you that this never happens. Without exception, every client of mine who has gone through a break up finds someone again. And, more often than not, the person they find is far better than the one who broke up with them. If you do your work after a breakup, if you identify what happened and what your role was in it, then you will seek someone who is good for you, nicer to you, and a better fit.
So, don’t give up on the fact that you will love and be loved again. Wallow for a bit and then start taking care of yourself. When you are healed, you will put energy out in the world that will attract you to the person you are meant to be with.
Setting expectations for yourself when going through a break up is the best way to get through the pain and out the other side intact.
Just lying on the couch wallowing in pain will get you nowhere. But if you make conscious decisions about how you are going to proceed with your life, decisions that you would make around work or exercise or goals, then you are way more likely to have success getting past your break up and moving on.
Go ‘no contact’ immediately, don’t seek closure, don’t play the victim, take care of yourself, and don’t give up hope for the future.
A broken heart is one of the worst things that you can go through in your life but you, and only you, can heal it so set yourself some goals and expectations to do so and you will succeed.
You can do it!
If you want to know more about what expectations to set when going through a breakup, then check this video out below: