2. Other People
This is type of evasion tactics, where we shift the topic of conversation on to other people in order to deflect from your attack against us. We will explain how a colleague works similarly late and never receives any flak from his spouse in order to make you appear unreasonable. We will triangulate you by explaining how a previous partner never made such a fuss about our spending habits.
By comparing you to other people we engage in our classic act of triangulation, aiming to belittle you and cause you to talk about those other people rather than continuing your attack against us.
3. Delivery But Not Content
We will repeatedly interrupt you as we demand to be allowed to finish, we accuse you of not allowing us to speak our mind, we tell you that you are judging us before we have been able to state our case, we remind you not to interrupt us, not to raise your voice at us, demand you lower your voice or change your tone.
None of this, of course, addresses the content of what you are wanting to discuss with us but instead, we deflect by getting you to defend yourself by saying you are not interrupting, that you are not raising your voice, and so forth. Your challenge becomes lost as you are caught up in these sideshows and all the while the emotion pours from you.
4. Early Resolution
This is one of the classic evasion tactics of both the Lesser and the Mid-Ranger. The Lesser, lacking the articulate nature to continue the verbal sparring decides to call time on the “discussion” and thus end the attack. He will announce that the discussion is at an end and will sign off with one last act which will draw a sudden surge of fuel from you.
He may push you and bellow that the matter is over, or possibly lash out with fists and spit in your face that he has enough of talking and your shocked and hurt response providing that jet of fuel that he requires and he then withdraws, satisfied he has asserted himself and has instinctively avoided any further wounding. The Mid-Range will declare
“There is nothing more to discuss.”
“I have made my point and that is the end of it.”
“This ends now.”
He will then withdraw and dole out a silent treatment, gaining fuel after the event and having protected himself, perhaps when he felt that the situation was slipping away from him, by withdrawing from the continuing challenge or criticism.
5. The Shift
We will turn the discussion onto something else completely. We may talk about some issue arising at work, point out that the exterior of the house needs a lick of paint or that we are thinking about buying a new car. You will try and shift the topic back to what you want to discuss but we will keep tugging it off-topic again as we demonstrate our control over you and your emotional responses provide us with fuel.
6. The Outgunning
You think we have done something wrong? Luckily for us, we know of plenty of other things which you have done (in our minds) that are far worse and therefore we will commence our own inquisition of you about your behavior in order to demonstrate that you are the one who is in the wrong and should be subjected to questioning, not us.
You feel the need to get to the truth of the matter and therefore you are derailed from advancing your questioning of us as you are forced into defending yourself.
7. How Could You?
How could you treat us in this manner after all that we have done for you/after the week we have had at work/knowing that our dog has just died/our football team lost the final.
We will roll out one of the typical pity plays by pointing out that we have either done so much for you and this is the thanks that we get and/or you are a heartless cow who is kicking us when we are down. Either way, it prompts you to justify your approach and deflects from what you have been trying to discuss.
Why won’t you leave us alone? We just want a simple and quiet life (oh the hypocrisy) but you just won’t let us will you. You have to keep pestering us with questions all of the bloody time, just shut up and leave us be. This is often used when you engage in Perceived Questioning as our abrupt response to you just asking “how are you” leaves you upset and bewildered.
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Written by: HG Tudor Originally appeared on: Narcsite.com Republished with permission.