Euphoric Misery

Euphoric Misery

PROLOGUE

What can possibly a person can expect from oneโ€™s life in a lifetime. What could be possibly the limit, the point where there is nothing else left he could possibly left to have, but still there was something missing, there is always something missing. Was it something he had before even for a short moment of time but couldnโ€™t realize it before it was long gone, or was it something that he could never get or all his money couldnโ€™t buy? Was he lost chasing a dream, and when he gets there, he only ends up realizing itโ€™s a NIGHTMARE.

Here I was standing right in front of the mirror looking deep into his eyes, trying to look through his wretched soul experiencing all the rage, hurt, sorrow, deception all over again and again. ย He wasnโ€™t me anymore. I thought I could get over everything with just faith and time alone, I thought I could restart again; I thought I could get myself back again. I only ended up realizing that past is an infinite gaping hole, the more you go inside, the more you chase your mistakes, the more you end up losing yourself.

My heart and mind told me revenge will find my soul some peace, but it didnโ€™t so far. There was a constant thirst and this thirst kept on rising, the thirst to see their gorgeous smiling faces once again, the thirst to spend just a little more moment close to them even though it was not possible anymore, the thirst to give a horrible death to anyone involved in my misery. The thirst to kill more, hunt more, spill more blood. This blood thirst rage is something that I was trying hard to control, but the more I tried to get out of it, the more I got drowned into it. ย 

I was never like this. I had everything anyone could possibly ask for. I had my normal life, my source of joy and happiness my little family, my safe haven. I couldnโ€™t ask god for anything else. if only I could realize itโ€™s value sooner.

Whenever I closed my eyes I saw all of them standing together graciously smiling at me like a beautiful sunset waiting for me to join them. Their eyes full of love and dreams, and their faces full of life and joy. I could see and hear all their joyous laughs, the kids running around and playing with their grandparents while my wife waving at me asking me to join them. ย ย 

But, just like after any other beautiful sunset, the dark night follows, so came the dark night of my life as my biggest regret, and before I could realize, slowly came the darkest moment of the night, slitting their throats slowly and painfully, one by one, smashing their skulls in pieces right in front me, as I hear and watch the people I love the most in my life, screaming in pain, screaming for help, with my eyes wide open, unable to move, unable to do anything. I could see it in their innocent eyes revealing all the horror, all the pain, all the fear, but the most tormenting of all, revealing hope in their eyes even in their final moments. The faith that I will jump in and save them at any moment now. Those believing eyes full of false desperate hope expecting their father, their son, her husband to save them, will continue to haunt me for the rest of life no matter what.

The eyes of my ever-caring, old, hard-working, proud father weltering like a wounded animal, trying hard but unable to protect his family, trying hard not to show his fear on his face, desperately crying and screaming in immense pain, anger and remorse while looking at his 5 and 7 years old grandsonโ€™s and granddaughterโ€™s (my sonโ€™s and daughterโ€™s) beheaded bodies and smashed skulls. The eyes of my sweet, loving, ever-jolly beautiful mother filled with tears, shivering, begging from the beginning for mercy for her family in exchange of her life, still crying and begging for whatโ€™s remaining of her family, looking right at me with hopes in her eyes that her son still might save her, while they tightly grab her hair and slowly slit her throat. As I see life slowly fading away from my motherโ€™s eyes I see forgiveness, and a final desperate fight to breathe, right before they smash her skull in many pieces. My gorgeous wife, the love of my life, on her knees with eyes filled with tears, frozen still in shock as a dead body, staring at her lifeless children with a blank face. The very face that once just with a glance used to bring joy back to my life, giving me courage, is lifeless right in front of me. It didnโ€™t matter whether she was still breathing or not, she couldnโ€™t live with herself after this, she was already dead from the inside. One at a time, laughing while doing it, ignoring all the crying, screaming and begging, of my innocent little son and daughter, my old father and mother and my faultless wife, they slit all their throats, and smashed their skulls to the point where their faces were far from human recognition. ย 

I couldnโ€™t protect my family from the evils of this rotten world, I couldnโ€™t stop the darkness. I was weak, I was a house of cards in a thunderstorm destined to be shattered into pieces. I was careless, arrogant, I underestimated the enemy and overestimated myself and ended up losing the most precious things and the dearest ones in my life, leaving me lifeless, soulless, destroyed. I was defeated the moment I let my arrogance cloud my judgement and overconfidence take over me only to be immensely outsmarted and outnumbered by them. I lost everything I had, everything I was.

I couldnโ€™t be with my family when they needed me the most, I couldnโ€™t save them from the brutality, I didnโ€™t see it coming. One moment everything is amazing and beautiful like a sunny spring morning with everyone I love standing by my side, and the next moment itโ€™s all dark, my life turns into chaos, everyone I have ever truly loved in my whole life is lying dead mutilated in front of me. ย ย ย ย ย 

As I was deeply occupied in my own thoughts, I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I sipped up the last remaining whiskey from my glass and opened the door. There was Allen standing at the door, completely geared up and weaponized enough to kill a whole town down. He said in a very deep serious voice, โ€˜Sir, its time. Allen Williams, tall bearded, white English man, ex-captain in the British SAS was one of my most trusted men, and one of my best mates, we were trained by the same person, his father, General Nicolas Williams, highly decorated SAS, a war hero, a martyr, the person I owe all my knowledge of strategic, survival, physical and psychological skills, we share a lot of history together.

Allen went down, after giving me the message to the mansionโ€™s lawn where the chopper was ready. It was a temporary safe house for monitoring strategy and operations. We were going to hit a major drug lab deep into the amazon region under Colombia. The operation was unauthorized and the government wasnโ€™t notified. The government of Colombia doesnโ€™t usually interfere in the deep sections of the amazon due to the presence of guerilla militants. It was one of my own little projects, and an essential piece for the bigger picture.

CHAPTER 1: THE FIRST MONSOON HUNT:

Here I was a decade and 7 months after my familyโ€™s massacre, going through offensive strategies to kill drug lords just to ease the pain. The pain didnโ€™t seem to dull even after all these years but I kind of started to enjoy these little hunts. Anyways, my revenge was pending partially, which was one more reason to continue with the work in order to lure all of them out. ย ย ย 

It was the middle of monsoon and the night was full of thunderstorm and heavy rainfall. I could only hope we were well prepared for the strike.

I started gearing up; making sure my bulletproof vest was fit and tight.

I loaded up my sidearm, kept four more clips of it,

Loaded up my assault rifle, kept three more drum magazines, I meant serious business that night.

Allen shouted from the lawn โ€˜Sir the chopper is ready and the rain is too heavy, we got to move outโ€™.

I prayed to god one more time, after all that has happened to me, I didnโ€™t have any reason to trust or believe in him anymore, but he was all I had got. The one who could give me strength in my weakest durations.

โ€˜Dear Lord, bring peace to all those poor bastardโ€™s souls, and if I die tonight, let me feel the pain of my sins and bring peace to my soul and donโ€™t send me back to this rotten, wretched piece of space floating rock, AMENโ€™.

I moved to my chopper, joined the team. ย We synced our com. Everyone in my team looked determined, confident, except me. I felt nothing like determination or confidence. I was blood thirsty raged, ready to kill every single thing alive out there. I put my Kevlar helmet on, turned on my night vision. We were nine men fully equipped with high end military equipment. Everyone except me was ex Special Forces.

The chopper took off and we were on our way. We were in the air and again the flashback started. This was something I couldnโ€™t control. This brought severe headaches. I held my head and closed my eyes hoping the pain would go away soon enough. The pain could be deadly in that situation messing up with my cognition and motor skills, I needed to take care of it.

Allen shouted from the pilotโ€™s seat โ€œAre you getting headaches again?โ€. โ€œIts fineโ€ I replied keeping my eyes closed pressing my forehead with my left wrist. โ€œyou should have got it checked when you had the time last weekโ€ Allen showing fake concern while marking the coordinates on navigation. I knew him too well, he wouldnโ€™t be concerned even if it was cancer. โ€œItโ€™s nothing to worry about at the momentโ€ I replied while passing the lighter to Erick.

Lieutenant Erick Bowman, another one of our hunters, ex US ARMY 75th RANGER REGIMENT, court marshaled and sentenced to imprisonment for life for disobeying orders of a superior officer, attempting murder of a superior officer, and assisting the escape of 5 terrorists from the US ARMYโ€™S custody in the war region. Broke out and escaped from the transportation convoy, killing 13 ex-fellow Ranger guarding the convoy and crashing an US AIRFORCE AC โ€“ 130H Aircraft in the middle of Pacific Ocean. Listed seven on top 10 wanted list by the United States Government.

Erick had a strange ritual of smoking half a cigar before and the other half after every hunt keeping a little end piece of the cigar fitted in a bullet shell from the hunt ground as a collectible. โ€œjust go through it tonight mate, itโ€™s just another hunting nightโ€ Erick while slowly exhaling smoke.

I knew it was more than just a hunting night, the prey we were after wasnโ€™t some wild boar this time, this was more like hunting a pack of wolves and taking control of the cave operation, a limit pushing trophy.

I looked around, looked at everyoneโ€™s faces and it brought me back to the time when I hired each one of them, one at a time. When I found them, they were men with heavy skills and potential, they were men with lost causes to live. Every glance at them reminded me of how they see me as a hope, a leader, someone who can bring their respected lives back, bring their families back together. If only they knew I was the one who put them in the position they are right now and destroyed their lives at the first place, I was the villain in their lives, and I needed them to serve my purposes.

Sometimes truth isnโ€™t what it seems, isnโ€™t what the world sees. Sometimes Reality can be much more wicked than any fantasy. Funny thing about reality is there are no heroes in reality, everyone serves their own purpose and belief system, and everyone has their own definition of rights and wrongs.

They were convicts and high threats to the world. This was my team, they were murders, terrorists, traitors to the world, but the world sees whatโ€™s shown to it, it listens whatโ€™s said wide open and in-between the truth remains unexposed, some voices gets buried. In reality and to me, they were innocent framed, forced, manipulated soldiers who were once proud patriots and served their country with all their honesty and capabilities. They were the ones betrayed. They were the ones who once held their heads high.

Itโ€™s a jungle out there and either you hunt or you get hunted. People will abide by rules as long as it is in agreement with their own level of comfort. The moment they develop the sense of insecurity, the survival instinct kicks in and they throw out so called moral values and civilized society crap out in gutter, and in no time its riots everywhere. But they will surely come up with some good fake argument to make themselves feel better about the guilty act later. ย 

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