4. Learn not to argue or contradict
Yes, it’s tempting, but in the long run, you can’t change other people unless they change themselves first. The more you resist them, the more they will resist (and drain) you.
5. Go with other people
Approaching the Energy Vampire with 1, 2 or 3 other people will provide a powerful buffer and reduce the amount of energy that will be drained from you. For this trick to work, you need to ensure that the additional people aren’t psychic leeches either.
6. Listen more than talk
A lot of the time Energy Vampires simply want and need a listening ear. The more you talk, the more energy you tend to lose (especially if you’re introverted). Using short words/questions such as “why?” “when?” and “how?” will encourage the EV to do most of the talking, which in turn will help preserve your energy.
7. Try sticking to light-hearted topics
Your conversations don’t need to be depressive and oppressive. Take control when necessary and change the topic of conversation to something more light and simple.
Many people claim that visualizing protective light/energy shields around them helps to deflect psychic fatigue, and maintain a neutral and calm state of mind. Try it some time and see how it impacts your mental and emotional wellbeing.
9. Avoid when possible
Although not always possible, avoiding the energy vampire is a simple and straightforward technique to assist in your self-preservation.
I don’t recommend avoidance as a consistent solution, as the less you come in contact with the Vampire/s the less opportunity you’ll have to develop and put into practice useful and necessary life skills (like assertiveness and creating personal boundaries).
10. Cut off contact
This is the last resort. Sometimes for your own health and happiness, you need to make difficult decisions regarding who you choose to surround yourself with. In the end, if you continue to suffer, the best option may be to simply cut ties and move on.
Showing Compassion to Energy Vampires
Let’s face it: there’s a lot of harsh information out there condemning Energy Vampires. Yes, it’s true that they’re tiring, annoying, and sometimes clearly narcissistic – but not all of them have bad intentions.
Sometimes, Energy Vampires are simply well-meaning and normal people who are overbearing and starved for love, affection, attention, and validation.
In fact, sometimes we may be Energy Vampires to other people without even knowing it!
So let’s be kind toward ourselves and others, but draw clear boundaries. There’s nothing more energy-draining than secretly hating or resenting a person. In the interest of our own vitality and wellbeing, let’s try to see beyond the immediate behavior and understand that most Energy Vampires are in some sort of pain. Why else would they desperately be seeking out others to unconsciously “feed off”?
What to Do if You’re the Energy Vampire
If people consistently complain that you’re too overwhelming, intense, demanding, or overbearing – you might be moving into the Energy Vampire role.
Don’t worry, you don’t need to be hard on yourself. Sometimes stress, mental health issues, core wounds, and inner traumas cause us to behave in ways that repel other people unknowingly.
Here’s what to do if you’re the Energy Vampire:
1. Spend some time thinking about how you interact with others.
Do you give more than take? Do you allow others to talk about themselves? Is there equality in the conversation? If not, and if you find that you’re hogging most of the attention, find ways to show interest in others.
Remember, people take more interest in you if you take more interest in them. Be curious and ask questions. Be open to learning something new about others.
2. Practice self-care.
Assess how you’re feeling during the day and tune into your emotional needs. Are you feeling stressed or lonely?
Make a soothing cup of tea or cuddle a pet or loved one. See our self-care article for more in-depth guidance.
3. Make self-love a philosophy and habit.
While self-care is the practical side of things, self-love is the philosophical and emotional side of things. What is your relationship with yourself? Do you treat yourself with self-respect and compassion? Or are you brutal and critical?
The more love you can show toward yourself, the less you’ll need to desperately try to gain that from others. In fact, the more self-love you develop, the more others will enjoy spending time around you as they’ll sense that you don’t want to take something from them, but instead simply want to be with them. See our guide on how to love yourself for more help.
4. Reach out to a counselor or therapist.
Energy Vampires often have a desperate need to be seen, heard, validated, and supported. The best place to do this in a healthy and constructive way (that focuses exclusively on you without being detrimental) is in a therapeutic setting.